Today I finally understand why there's misunderstanding. It's because people don't talk much and every time we does, we either said the wrong thing, heard the wrong thing or thought the wrong thing was the right thing.
In dictionary, misunderstanding means "misinterpret, misjudge, misread, misconstrue".
Oh my God! Misunderstanding is a great knowledge. Do you know why? I've got into a bad relationship with my family because of misunderstanding and now it's starting to reveal... My family's better to me and thanks to my dear, he always supported me. ^^
I think it's time, us family, talk.
Do you know what's the best way to solve a misunderstanding? TALK!!
However, before that, everyone have to sit down and write down what they don't like about that person then what they like about that person. Tell you a true story.
Last 2 weeks, I told my dear that I want to break up with him and we did. But the very next day, I regretted. I thought in my mind, why I loved him and why I don't now. Then I realized that I was very childish and my dear was very patient with me. He kept telling me but I didn't listen.
Last week, he asked for a breakup. Then I don't understand why. I asked him to write down the what he love about me and what he don't love about me. I don't know if he wrote them down but I did. Again, I realized how bad, harsh and childish I was. That's why he wanted to breakup with me. I realized that I didn't show appreciation towards what he did for me and kept dragging him down. I know it's my fault so I try sms him.
Then I realized there were alot of misunderstandings... Now, it's better. ^^
Communication is equal to no misunderstanding.
However, love stands it all.
Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time. ^^
=?Enchanted?=
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
7/1/09
Hehe... Today I won 10,000 NP! From Wheel of Excitement! Now I am Excited. ^^
Oh ya, I've got alot of things going on in MIND. I wanna go and learn dancing, cut my hair, trim eye brown, change style.. Wah... so expensive oh.. But never mind, if I can keep my dear's heart, ok oh... Haha... ^^
Have a nice day. GO GO GO!!!
=?Enchanted?=
Oh ya, I've got alot of things going on in MIND. I wanna go and learn dancing, cut my hair, trim eye brown, change style.. Wah... so expensive oh.. But never mind, if I can keep my dear's heart, ok oh... Haha... ^^
Have a nice day. GO GO GO!!!
=?Enchanted?=
6/1/09(2)
I'm so happy. My dear replied my message. ^^ Quite short but it's okay. It's already a great start. ^^ Go! Su Ling! ^^
=?Enchanted?=
=?Enchanted?=
6/1/09 (1)
Haiyo, don't know ah... Today never go booth! Not that I'm lazy, it's because I've been cleaning the house alone since morning. Wash the clothes, hang the clothes, fold the clothes, sweep and mop the whole house and clean the lights and fan... Till now still not very clean yet..... Haiz..
Today, my dear still never reply my message. Most probably because he's very busy. It's school reopen and it's going to be CNY, he must be really busy. This scene reminds me of how those previous guys were planning to dump me and never tell me the reason. Just that the difference, I really love my dear and definitely more than I love them. Other than that, he gave me a chance by telling me he wanna chill first.
I slept at 6am and woke up at 11am to clean the house. Now, I'm so tired. Really hope that my dear would suddenly call and talk. I think I'll be crazily happy. Haha. And I'll be energetic again. ^^
I slept at 6am because I was writing what I love and don't love my dear. Then it end up, I definitely love him more that I don't love him. But overall about why I not love him because he don't have enough of self-confidence and confidence towards me. However, the reason I love him is already 3 times more than why I don't love him. I hope he knows...
=?Enchanted?=
Today, my dear still never reply my message. Most probably because he's very busy. It's school reopen and it's going to be CNY, he must be really busy. This scene reminds me of how those previous guys were planning to dump me and never tell me the reason. Just that the difference, I really love my dear and definitely more than I love them. Other than that, he gave me a chance by telling me he wanna chill first.
I slept at 6am and woke up at 11am to clean the house. Now, I'm so tired. Really hope that my dear would suddenly call and talk. I think I'll be crazily happy. Haha. And I'll be energetic again. ^^
I slept at 6am because I was writing what I love and don't love my dear. Then it end up, I definitely love him more that I don't love him. But overall about why I not love him because he don't have enough of self-confidence and confidence towards me. However, the reason I love him is already 3 times more than why I don't love him. I hope he knows...
=?Enchanted?=
Monday, January 5, 2009
5/1/09 (2)
Today never go and open booth. I don't know why. I got everything prepared but no "spirit" at all. I woke up at 11am but didn't go. Anyway, I'm going tomorrow.
Today, I kept holding the phone and didn't know if I should sms or call my dear. He told me he want to chill down and stop sms him yesterday then after that of course better but I'm shy to sms him because I scared he'll get angry. I don't want him to be angry with me anymore. There has been alot of misunderstandings between us. I hope it'll be better in time.
Tomorrow, mom's friends are coming to stay in my house. Later gotta clean the house. Have a list of work to do... Wanna show I really want to live with my family. ^^
I hope that my dear understand that I want to spend more time with him and his family together. I was not angry nor sad. Maybe our time spent together's not much so he didn't understand me but I have faith that we just need more time.
I was wrong for not listening to him. I was wrong for not being able to understand him enough in such a short time and I was wrong for not letting him understand, how much I want him with me. But the biggest mistake I've made was to say break up, one week ago. It really heated things up. He thought I was like his ex.
The last thing I want to be was like his ex. I've really tried my best so that he won't think that I was like his ex but I failed. He still think so. Although I was very hurt when I found out that he was thinking like that but it must be something I do that made him thought so.
I hope he can understand, how much I want to spend my life with him, have a family with him. Of course, I understand what we need to go through and how can things go by not easy for us. I hope that he won't give up on our relationship. I just pray for that.
I don't know what will happen if he really wants to end it. I don't know what to do. I really love him. He want me to let him go. Just like when I asked him to let me go, I think we are now equally hurt. I've been hurting him so much and I didn't realise how bad I was.
I am a bad person. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me and give me a chance to change. I need to be a better person. Although you don't wish to change me because I am who I am but don't you wish that I can be someone better and we can do it together?
Please give me some faith that you do believe it too, even if it's just a little. Please.
=?Enchanted?=
Today, I kept holding the phone and didn't know if I should sms or call my dear. He told me he want to chill down and stop sms him yesterday then after that of course better but I'm shy to sms him because I scared he'll get angry. I don't want him to be angry with me anymore. There has been alot of misunderstandings between us. I hope it'll be better in time.
Tomorrow, mom's friends are coming to stay in my house. Later gotta clean the house. Have a list of work to do... Wanna show I really want to live with my family. ^^
I hope that my dear understand that I want to spend more time with him and his family together. I was not angry nor sad. Maybe our time spent together's not much so he didn't understand me but I have faith that we just need more time.
I was wrong for not listening to him. I was wrong for not being able to understand him enough in such a short time and I was wrong for not letting him understand, how much I want him with me. But the biggest mistake I've made was to say break up, one week ago. It really heated things up. He thought I was like his ex.
The last thing I want to be was like his ex. I've really tried my best so that he won't think that I was like his ex but I failed. He still think so. Although I was very hurt when I found out that he was thinking like that but it must be something I do that made him thought so.
I hope he can understand, how much I want to spend my life with him, have a family with him. Of course, I understand what we need to go through and how can things go by not easy for us. I hope that he won't give up on our relationship. I just pray for that.
I don't know what will happen if he really wants to end it. I don't know what to do. I really love him. He want me to let him go. Just like when I asked him to let me go, I think we are now equally hurt. I've been hurting him so much and I didn't realise how bad I was.
I am a bad person. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me and give me a chance to change. I need to be a better person. Although you don't wish to change me because I am who I am but don't you wish that I can be someone better and we can do it together?
Please give me some faith that you do believe it too, even if it's just a little. Please.
=?Enchanted?=
Sunday, January 4, 2009
5/1/09
Today's the 2nd day of the month, 7 days to EOM for VIP qualifying...
Today's a crazy day. Down, really down, sad, ok-ok, happy then super happy. Everything happened in 12 hours. Crazy day.
Today I broke 3 things!
FIRST I broke my glasses. Now I'm on with contact lenses. Yay! First step to changing style... (Already got my personal stylist. haha ^^) Later need to cut hair, buy clothes, shoes, etc.
Money don't come easy!!!! Everything's money money money. Contact lenses RM142; Spectacles RM349. Total Rm491!!! That's what I get from a new Success Builder!!
SECOND I broke my heart. MONEY flew away!!!
THIRD I broke my leg.. Erm, nearly! It was so embarassing.. I was laughing while it was aching... haha... It was funny though... Haha...
Overall, today happy because at last he gave me a hope. ^^ I'm so happy. Promise I'll be a good girl but a pretty one. Haha..
All guys out there, I'm not available!!! =P
=?Enchanted?=
Today's a crazy day. Down, really down, sad, ok-ok, happy then super happy. Everything happened in 12 hours. Crazy day.
Today I broke 3 things!
FIRST I broke my glasses. Now I'm on with contact lenses. Yay! First step to changing style... (Already got my personal stylist. haha ^^) Later need to cut hair, buy clothes, shoes, etc.
Money don't come easy!!!! Everything's money money money. Contact lenses RM142; Spectacles RM349. Total Rm491!!! That's what I get from a new Success Builder!!
SECOND I broke my heart. MONEY flew away!!!
THIRD I broke my leg.. Erm, nearly! It was so embarassing.. I was laughing while it was aching... haha... It was funny though... Haha...
Overall, today happy because at last he gave me a hope. ^^ I'm so happy. Promise I'll be a good girl but a pretty one. Haha..
All guys out there, I'm not available!!! =P
=?Enchanted?=
Saturday, January 3, 2009
4/1/09
I slept in my friend's place, we talked until 6am only we agreed to sleep. We've talked so much. First, realizing that we have same thoughts and that we agree on same things. Other than that, we have an alike boyfriend, a typical Chinese.
I don't know why, I don't feel easy at all. This 2 days, I had a nightmare. The previous night, I dream of my dear, driving his car away from me and leave me. Yesterday, I just feel so insecure.
I wander in the streets, last night, didn't have anywhere to go. It was a Saturday and I was hoping that I might accidentally meet my dear in town. I was in Jonker, had a little walk and was then in McD. Michelle called and came over to look for me. Because I told them, I don't know what I'm doing, I've been walking to nowhere, wishing my dear would see me.
How stupid I was. I was thick face enough to message him without any reply and still message. I really love him so I don't want to burden his life. If he feels that I burden his life, I'll leave then. However, he just asked to be alone for sometime. I don't know how long it'll take him and what will happen at the end, I really don't know.
Mr R asked me, "what happened between you and Mr J?" "How's things going on?" "Su Ling, What if Mr J decided he don't want to be with you anymore?"
I doubtlessly said, "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know." Then I cried and said, "Mr R, I really don't know what to do.I really love him and I know he's good."
Everyone told me to leave him because he's using our love, he's using me, he just want to let go his desire. Hey, cut it off!
I've made up my mind, no matter he decide to stay or leave, I can do nothing.
In this life, we're meant to be matched to 20,000 people at this very moment. However, we would only spend our life with 1. It just depend on who you meet first and who built the relationship and the fate. Love has no wrong because it's a feeling.
We don't know who we'll be together in our lives. However, when the first guy come, and you didn't appreciate him, start to love him thus build a relationship and have enough of fate, it'll be gone.
No one can love each other at the first sight, it about building the relationship slowly up the stairs and have the faith that you're fated thus appreaciate it. In a relationship, nothing work one way. However, being human, we're more likely to be not perfect and start doing mistakes. Then, it's the time, love take place to see how strong can this relationship last.
I don't know if my relationship can last through this test but I know is that I've chosen. It's either him or single till the end. *peace*
=?Enchanted?=
I don't know why, I don't feel easy at all. This 2 days, I had a nightmare. The previous night, I dream of my dear, driving his car away from me and leave me. Yesterday, I just feel so insecure.
I wander in the streets, last night, didn't have anywhere to go. It was a Saturday and I was hoping that I might accidentally meet my dear in town. I was in Jonker, had a little walk and was then in McD. Michelle called and came over to look for me. Because I told them, I don't know what I'm doing, I've been walking to nowhere, wishing my dear would see me.
How stupid I was. I was thick face enough to message him without any reply and still message. I really love him so I don't want to burden his life. If he feels that I burden his life, I'll leave then. However, he just asked to be alone for sometime. I don't know how long it'll take him and what will happen at the end, I really don't know.
Mr R asked me, "what happened between you and Mr J?" "How's things going on?" "Su Ling, What if Mr J decided he don't want to be with you anymore?"
I doubtlessly said, "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know." Then I cried and said, "Mr R, I really don't know what to do.I really love him and I know he's good."
Everyone told me to leave him because he's using our love, he's using me, he just want to let go his desire. Hey, cut it off!
I've made up my mind, no matter he decide to stay or leave, I can do nothing.
In this life, we're meant to be matched to 20,000 people at this very moment. However, we would only spend our life with 1. It just depend on who you meet first and who built the relationship and the fate. Love has no wrong because it's a feeling.
We don't know who we'll be together in our lives. However, when the first guy come, and you didn't appreciate him, start to love him thus build a relationship and have enough of fate, it'll be gone.
No one can love each other at the first sight, it about building the relationship slowly up the stairs and have the faith that you're fated thus appreaciate it. In a relationship, nothing work one way. However, being human, we're more likely to be not perfect and start doing mistakes. Then, it's the time, love take place to see how strong can this relationship last.
I don't know if my relationship can last through this test but I know is that I've chosen. It's either him or single till the end. *peace*
=?Enchanted?=
3/1/09
I really don't know how to describe my current feelings. When I read the message he sent yesterday, I really wanted to cry but I couldn't. All my family members were here and it was DEC 08 EOM, I was working my A_ _ off. I would be seeing alot of my distributors, customers and friends so NO.
Although I read the message only twice, it's already copied into my mind. It's said that since the first time I asked for a break up, his feelings towards me have become cold. It's not sad that I'm feeling, I'm feeling cut into slices and pieces, not just the word PAIN can describe. Why did I call for a break up if I really love him that much? I was dreaming he would at least tell me something he feels but he just said, "ok".
I don't want the feelings to fade, please. I promise I will change but please give me time.
What am I looking for? What am I searching for? All this while, I tell myself, never fall for anyone especially a chinese guy (I had chinese phobia, means I'll feel uneasy being out with chinese or near to one. Sometimes, I'll not know what I'm doing.), but I did. When I did the mistake I thought I shouldn't be doing, I found how attracting he was to me and I decided to try my best to accept his everything though most of the time, things were tough to me.
I don't know how to communicate with chinese, be in their lives, go through their rituals and of course learn to be one. To me chinese are scary, Bahais excluded. I'm not trying to be racist here but please understand where I was and why I had this. I had told no one about this and it've been causing alot of misunderstanding. I'm saying it here in case something happens to me, someone will say something. (It's safe to put datas like this on the internet because it'll never get erased, no matter how many years later..)
He told me he wants to be alone. Is it because he don't want to be with me anymore? I really don't know what to say, everything I say, seems to be something that will cause more misunderstanding. All I know is that I love him from the heart, solely. Never in my life, I have this feeling for anyone, no one.
I know why I love him and I hope he knows why he loved me too. If his love couldn't be bigger than what he's coming through, lets just decide what to do together.
It's been really hard for me to write this post till here. I just can't help thinking of the messages he sent yesterday and it can't stop my tears. Now I understand why one would die for love, it's really the greatest power of the universe.
I hope God will hear my prayers.
Lord I've come to you
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace
That I've found in you
Lord I've come to know
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
With the power of your love
And hold me close
Let your love surround me
And Bring me near
Draw me to your side
And as I wake
I rise up like the eagle
and I will soar with you
Your spirit leads me on, with the power of your Love.
The above was a song taught to me about 2 years ago. When I sang this song, I hoped for love. I thought it came but it's fading away.
Please don't go away...
=?Enchanted?=
Although I read the message only twice, it's already copied into my mind. It's said that since the first time I asked for a break up, his feelings towards me have become cold. It's not sad that I'm feeling, I'm feeling cut into slices and pieces, not just the word PAIN can describe. Why did I call for a break up if I really love him that much? I was dreaming he would at least tell me something he feels but he just said, "ok".
I don't want the feelings to fade, please. I promise I will change but please give me time.
What am I looking for? What am I searching for? All this while, I tell myself, never fall for anyone especially a chinese guy (I had chinese phobia, means I'll feel uneasy being out with chinese or near to one. Sometimes, I'll not know what I'm doing.), but I did. When I did the mistake I thought I shouldn't be doing, I found how attracting he was to me and I decided to try my best to accept his everything though most of the time, things were tough to me.
I don't know how to communicate with chinese, be in their lives, go through their rituals and of course learn to be one. To me chinese are scary, Bahais excluded. I'm not trying to be racist here but please understand where I was and why I had this. I had told no one about this and it've been causing alot of misunderstanding. I'm saying it here in case something happens to me, someone will say something. (It's safe to put datas like this on the internet because it'll never get erased, no matter how many years later..)
He told me he wants to be alone. Is it because he don't want to be with me anymore? I really don't know what to say, everything I say, seems to be something that will cause more misunderstanding. All I know is that I love him from the heart, solely. Never in my life, I have this feeling for anyone, no one.
I know why I love him and I hope he knows why he loved me too. If his love couldn't be bigger than what he's coming through, lets just decide what to do together.
It's been really hard for me to write this post till here. I just can't help thinking of the messages he sent yesterday and it can't stop my tears. Now I understand why one would die for love, it's really the greatest power of the universe.
I hope God will hear my prayers.
Lord I've come to you
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace
That I've found in you
Lord I've come to know
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
With the power of your love
And hold me close
Let your love surround me
And Bring me near
Draw me to your side
And as I wake
I rise up like the eagle
and I will soar with you
Your spirit leads me on, with the power of your Love.
The above was a song taught to me about 2 years ago. When I sang this song, I hoped for love. I thought it came but it's fading away.
Please don't go away...
=?Enchanted?=
Thursday, December 25, 2008
25/12/08
Today is Christmas. Merry Christmas.
However, it appears to be my saddest Christmas in life. I wish for something I never get. Last year, during fireworks, I wished that I would have a husband beside me for Christmas even if it's just walking. This year, I do have one but not beside me. I saw him for 15 minutes. After this I'm going to leave Melaka for 3 days.
Today, I told him I wanted to see him as I'm leaving tomorrow. He said, "I've got friends coming from Singapore, I'll see later." My heart really crushed. I feel really sad. It was because I really wanted to see him.
I'm really afraid things might happen and that I can't get to him when I need him. Sometimes, I just feel like chopping this relationship off. Whenever you feel that you need him, he'll say he have something on. How can I depend on someone that put me at the 2nd place? Like I say, he's everything I've got.
Things between us have been really bad. I want to talk but I want him to learn to take the initiative to start the conversation. Today, I really hate myself. I don't know what I want and what I can do. I feel terribly sad.
I thought my family would like me joining the steamboat but I don't feel it at all. Every time we finally have a chance to get into a same small room, I would start hearing my mom say, "mothers pregnant kids and raised them up but once they grow up, they don't listen.. " Every time, I hear that, I'll cry because it's like it's all my fault that mom's not happy. I feel terrible.
A lot of people ask me, are you your mom's child? I really don't know what to answer because I've got no answer to it. I need someone to talk to, please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...
=?Enchanted?=
However, it appears to be my saddest Christmas in life. I wish for something I never get. Last year, during fireworks, I wished that I would have a husband beside me for Christmas even if it's just walking. This year, I do have one but not beside me. I saw him for 15 minutes. After this I'm going to leave Melaka for 3 days.
Today, I told him I wanted to see him as I'm leaving tomorrow. He said, "I've got friends coming from Singapore, I'll see later." My heart really crushed. I feel really sad. It was because I really wanted to see him.
I'm really afraid things might happen and that I can't get to him when I need him. Sometimes, I just feel like chopping this relationship off. Whenever you feel that you need him, he'll say he have something on. How can I depend on someone that put me at the 2nd place? Like I say, he's everything I've got.
Things between us have been really bad. I want to talk but I want him to learn to take the initiative to start the conversation. Today, I really hate myself. I don't know what I want and what I can do. I feel terribly sad.
I thought my family would like me joining the steamboat but I don't feel it at all. Every time we finally have a chance to get into a same small room, I would start hearing my mom say, "mothers pregnant kids and raised them up but once they grow up, they don't listen.. " Every time, I hear that, I'll cry because it's like it's all my fault that mom's not happy. I feel terrible.
A lot of people ask me, are you your mom's child? I really don't know what to answer because I've got no answer to it. I need someone to talk to, please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...
=?Enchanted?=
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