5/1/09 (2)

Today never go and open booth. I don't know why. I got everything prepared but no "spirit" at all. I woke up at 11am but didn't go. Anyway, I'm going tomorrow.

Today, I kept holding the phone and didn't know if I should sms or call my dear. He told me he want to chill down and stop sms him yesterday then after that of course better but I'm shy to sms him because I scared he'll get angry. I don't want him to be angry with me anymore. There has been alot of misunderstandings between us. I hope it'll be better in time.

Tomorrow, mom's friends are coming to stay in my house. Later gotta clean the house. Have a list of work to do... Wanna show I really want to live with my family. ^^

I hope that my dear understand that I want to spend more time with him and his family together. I was not angry nor sad. Maybe our time spent together's not much so he didn't understand me but I have faith that we just need more time.

I was wrong for not listening to him. I was wrong for not being able to understand him enough in such a short time and I was wrong for not letting him understand, how much I want him with me. But the biggest mistake I've made was to say break up, one week ago. It really heated things up. He thought I was like his ex.

The last thing I want to be was like his ex. I've really tried my best so that he won't think that I was like his ex but I failed. He still think so. Although I was very hurt when I found out that he was thinking like that but it must be something I do that made him thought so.

I hope he can understand, how much I want to spend my life with him, have a family with him. Of course, I understand what we need to go through and how can things go by not easy for us. I hope that he won't give up on our relationship. I just pray for that.

I don't know what will happen if he really wants to end it. I don't know what to do. I really love him. He want me to let him go. Just like when I asked him to let me go, I think we are now equally hurt. I've been hurting him so much and I didn't realise how bad I was.

I am a bad person. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me and give me a chance to change. I need to be a better person. Although you don't wish to change me because I am who I am but don't you wish that I can be someone better and we can do it together?

Please give me some faith that you do believe it too, even if it's just a little. Please.

=?Enchanted?=