25/1/09

It's indeed a great year. I have been thinking but somehow, worried too.

Yesterday, I went to my dear's house. Well, I hadn't been meeting him for 10 days, I really missed him. However, I didn't want to bother him much because I'm always afraid that he'll get angry. I know it's wrong to think like this but I always have the phobia that he will leave me. I just can't let myself have this chance of letting him leave.

It gets me worried when I read the zodiac thing. He's an ox, I'm a snake. Well, from relationships, we're both bad but some people like my aunt said that ox and snake are perfect match. I don't know if my dear think I'm his perfect match because whenever I see him, it's like he's not smiling much... (I'm afraid he's not happy..)

I read StarMag at his place. I know he loves reading it so I read it too, every week, just to know him more. ^^ When I was reading it, I was thinking to write to Miss Thelma about me and him's problem. However, when I wanted to write, I find that there was no problem. I was thinking too much. ^^ (Don't worry, you'll think too much when you really love that person. ^^)

I'm really excited, every time I know that I would be seeing him later. Just so excited and HAPPY! No matter how tired I was, I would just be awake. ^^ I don't know if he's like that too but I just like to see him as we don't have much time together.

I always hear people talking this and that about relationships but one thing I totally agree is that, "When you're really in love with that person, you'll always feel insecure and feel that that person might leave you."

That's true. I'm always afraid my dear might leave me because I'm not good enough. Last time, I try to be myself in front of him but seems that he wants something else so I try to change some things. At first, I felt that it was difficult and impossible but later on, I find that it was true and it helped me more in my business. Thanks dear. ^^

For all this while, I'm just waiting for 2 things from my dear. First. The time when he prepare to make me, his friend and also his family. Last. The time he can really open his heart to me.

This few days, I've been thinking. What made me fall in love with him? I just remember one thing he said, "when I have a chance to hold this hand, I will never let it go." He held my hand. At that time, I let go his hand because I had a boyfriend but deep down, I really wanted to hold on to his hand. He was the first who kept the promise till now though there was once he wanted to teach me a lesson and asked for breakup. (Please, let that be the first, only and last time. No more!!!!!)

At last, I OFFICIALLY broke up with that guy and got to him. It was not very romantic but it was just the type of feeling I always wanted. For me, I don't wish for an ambitious guy. I just wish for one that will try his best to be there for me, love me, care for me and walk with me. Though, he's not everything I wanted but he's already 75%.

Sometimes, when I post posts here, I'm always afraid he will misunderstood because he always read, assume, then don't ask. =.=''' I just wish we have more time to spend and talk.

Last weekend, we went to Spectacular and we were asked to write down 50 dreams. Then another personal request by Felan himself, another 50. Out of this 100, my dear owns 25% of it and he's in 75% of it... I don't know how to let my dear know, because he mentioned something about me mentioning about myself too much. I'm trying to change that. ^^

Lately, I'm very worried when I talk to my dear. He've been smoking. Frankly, I don't like smokers but it's hard when it comes to my dear. It's ok he wants to smoke but I just want him to be healthy. I don't want to be too bossy and pressure him about smoking so I try not to talk too much about it.

One thing I feel really sad is looking him being thinner each day. I don't know how to talk to him about it. Yes, it will affect my business but that's not the reason. From what I know is that, when one is too thin, he might have pimples problem, hormone imbalance, digestive system problem, heart problem, gastric problem, reproductive system problem. PLUS he is smoking...

I've been thinking. What if he pass on first? It would be really cruel to me because he'll leave me. I can't take it. However, I can't be more unhealthy because it would draw my income down and I couldn't make his dream come true.

Why am I so anxious about his dream? (Although he told me he don't have dream but he didn't realize that he have. I know it's my responsibility to let him discover his extraordinary self. ^^)

When we had dinner with Katherine Yiu and Felan Yu. I talked to Felan. I told him, "Felan, I had a boyfriend that is like the before you but I know that he will be like you now." Felan said that, "I believe you can. If I can do it, he can too." Although someone beside said that my dear would never change but I believe that my dear will.

Before that, what made me wanted to talk to Felan about him? I heard Katherine and Felan's love story. Katherine said that she fight so hard in the Herbalife business was because of Felan. She wants to make his dream come true.

She said that, "Felan is my first boyfriend and first husband (of course she meant "the only one"!) He was the one, I love since I knew him but only when he turn 19, we could be together. In his life, he have only made 2 decisions. The first one, was to propose to me when he was 26 and the second one, was to be a Herbalife Distributor when he turn 30. I want to help him realize his dream because he definitely saw something in it."

Then, Felan said, "She was the one who made my dream come true first. I always wanted her to be my wife and when I proposed to her, she said 'YES'! Now, I will help her with her dream. To have financial freedom and to bring happiness to our parents."

I don't know if I have made Jerry's dream come true but he made my first dream come true. He promised that he would hold my hand forever and he really did, whenever he have a chance to. ^^ The second dream was to have someone like him in my life and fortunately, he was the only one I ever dreamt of. (so no confusions. ^^) I have many many dreams now and he is in all the pictures. My friend told me it's too early to say but i know he is the one I'm looking for. Of course, I have two ultimate dreams. Everybody should knows what they are. I've been talking so much about them. =.='''

I don't know what is his ultimate dream but whatever his dream is, I will try my best to do it. He told me what he car liked and I really tried my best to get one. I want to make his dream come true. I really want to.

Dear, although it's been really tough for us because we're from different backgrounds, different culture, different education and different thoughts but I know that where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time.

I love you, dear. ^^

=?Enchanted?=