27/1/09

He said it again. He wants to let go my hand. He say it's final. I wonder if he ever tried to understand me. It's like nothing I said means anything to him. He always say me this, me that. Yes, I does that too but even when he tries to let go my hand, I know he don't want to. That's the reason, I always struggle.

Yes, what I worried have happened. Everybody was right but me. I have too much faith in him. I thought he would love me like he promised but it was just a nightmare, to him.

No. I am wrong now. I never should have pin-pointed and stretch on his shortcomings and let him feel that I want him to change. In fact, he changed. From the start till now, it was sweet to cold. Good to bad. Great to worst. And I caused it.

My stubbornness, my big mouth. Like what my family said. Even they have give up on me, I should have know that Jerry would give up on me too. It was least expected. I thought I could really hang on to him.

It happened after I was drunk. I didn't even know what I said. Oh my God! It's driving me crazy because Michelle, Jerry and Chee Siong sounded serious but I didn't know what I've said. =.=

All I can do is to pray. He may not know me well enough to really know me. Time will prove it. I vomited the whole night, once I thought of him. Not because he's disgusting. It's because I disgust him. I am disgusting.

What is love? What is future? What is dream? It means nothing to me now. When my 100% is gone, where to get another one. He was the one who gave me the love; he was the one who promised me the future; he was the one who gave me a hope that I can have dreams with him and it's for real.

What am I to live on now?

=?Enchanted?=