12/2/09

It's getting lesser for me to want to really let go myself now. Yesterday, I went out at 4am because I was too sad after reading the message sent by someone. I felt really really upset and disappointed with myself. It's because I'm no more the talented and perfect person, everyone expect me to be. I feel sad letting everyone down, especially my dear.

I came home, today at 3pm. I was wondering around then I went to my friend's house to sleep. i feel really lost. Even Tom said that, "Su Ling, you're lost."

I'm applying to go for studies this year. I bought my first car, although it's secondhand. I'm buying my first house, it's not confirmed yet because the house is a dream house. I hope I can get the house. I love the house.

I want to have a family. Can anyone give me a family? Please.

=?Enchanted?=

11/2/09

Today, some of my friends said that I've changed. Not only my look but also the way I talk. They say that I'm not that pushy anymore. Other than that, I'm no more that stubborn and willing to listen.

I've got compliments and I'm happy about it, just that, that's not the happiness I wanted.

I'm still available on Valentine's.. What to do? I really want to know what to do. I'm still waiting for my dear to ask me out... Please ask me out...

I've got lots of invitations but not yet from my dear...

=?Enchanted?=

Life is a Gift

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.

She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear; for before they were yours, they were mine.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive- Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.

08/2/09

Can you differentiate love and like?

When you like someone, you want to be with him always because he brings you happiness; when he leaves you, you will miss him, think of him and you'll smile then carry on with your life thus hoping to see him the next time.

When you love someone, you want to be together with him because that is a feeling that you miss him like crazy, you're afraid he will feel tortured, afraid that he can't take care of himself; when he leaves you, you will miss him too then you would sigh then think, "i guess how he's living now?" Then you would continue with your life but hope that he comes back to you.

In your eyes,the person you like is like an angel, he can do everything, he can always fulfill your willfulness requirements.

In your eyes, the person you love is like a child, you don't hope that he does anything "great", you just tolerate every funny act he does.

You just hope that the person you like will always be beside you, then in your heart, you may think of the person you love;

You hope that the person you love will be beside you, looking at him, sleeping in front of you freely and relaxed, you will smile and feel really happy.

The person you like, hurt you, you will be angry and you want him to make you smile, then you would forgive him;

The person you love hurt you, you would feel sad alone because you're scared that he would scream at you thus frighten him, you can only smile, look into his eyes and once you saw in his eyes, his regrets and feeling sorry, you will want to lie in his arm, at that moment, you feel as though you have the whole world.

You can like more than one at a time, you hope that many can stay together. However, you realize that the person you love is only him. The only one, and it would never change. You thought you have forgotten him, but it's because you're too busy, no time to think of him.

Towards the person you like, you look into his pros;

Towards the person you love, you look into his shortcomings; if those shortcomings are not something to do with principles, in your eyes, they're cute and incomparable.

Like and love, there's no big difference. However, love starts with like.

One day, when you suddenly realize that the person you like is no more perfect, and his imperfection makes you want to stay on with you longer, you'll feel that he's glowing, compared to others. You're more willing to look at his helpless emotions, don't know if it should be congrats because your relationship has just upgrade.

Admiration is not love nor is it like, when you admire someone while you're committed, you would lose peacefulness.

Some people say, when you love someone, it's tiring. It is true, because you want to be taking care of his everything, you want to be responsible for all his problems so that he wouldn't need to face it alone.

The biggest difference between love and like is most probably, when you're with the person you love, you feel like you're home.

I really don't know what I can do. I don't know if I can still get back to my dear. I really miss him very very very very very very very very much. I feel terribly sad but I don't want him to feel sad. I don't know if he have forgiven me but I hope he still loves me.

My dear, I'm sorry couldn't let you stay with me.

Yesterday, a friend told me that to find a person to date, it's because you like that person but for a guy, when makes them stay on with that person, it's their character.

I guess I have to change so that my dear would forgive me and come back to me.

Thanks for those who have scolded me for the past week about my shortcomings. I'll change and change thoroughly.

Dear, please wait for me, give me some time. Remember that you have to marry me 4 years later. Give me time and a chance. Thanks.

I love you.

=?Enchanted?=

Dream House

I've been thinking. What would my dream house be?

What is a dream house?

Now, it means a cosy place where me and my dear can feel warm. I just need a small house.

If we have kids, we can get a bigger house but not too big because I don't want to feel cold. ^^

I like the living room. It's awesome.
It's a guesthouse I stayed in KL before. I love it.

What is your dream house?
=?Enchanted?=

2/2/09

Days without him is like days without air. My team member said that I look like a car without fuel.

I really don't have the heart. I want to laugh but the laugh is not from the heart. I really hate myself now. Me, my mouth.

Why didn't I become someone better?

I really don't know who I am. I really don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I really don't know anything. What type of dream should I have?

It's like everything is nothing.

I love going for clubs, karaoke now. I don't have other things to do.

Here's my goal, everyday. Have 3 new customers everyday then go and have fun, every night. Cool huh?

I just want to dance it all out. I hope he can be dancing with me one day when we go without letting each other know that we're going. ^^ Will it ever happen?

I just want to marry him. Is it wrong to want to marry the person you love? Yes, I know what I've said have really hurt him but I really didn't mean to hurt him.

Now, he's cooling himself but I don't know if he've forgiven me. I know it's my fault. I'm sorry.

I used to think that our relationship might not last because I might fall in love for another guy and leave him. I thought he was just a replacement. However, every time, he says he wants to leave me, it's like my heart is missing, I could hardly breathe.

Last Saturday, I purposely asked Rami out and see if I would fall in love with him but the fact is that I told him to not touch me because my dear won't like. Immediately, I knew, my dear was not just a replacement. He was the one I want.

I was thinking, being with him, is there only sorrows? Yes. Falling in love with him, I'm filled with sorrow. I can't be with him all the time. Sometimes, I miss him like crazy but I can't tell him because he mind how people look at us. It was sorrowful.

I try my best to think of the things I used to think that he treated me really bad. However, no matter how hard I think now, I can't think of what's the bad thing he had done to me. I was expecting too much.

If I was given another chance, I would never repeat my mistake anymore.

The main thing now is that, can he accept me again?

=?Enchanted?=

1/2/09

Today, it's really a tiring day. I've closed 2 customers tonight. Just by inviting them to do a follow up scanning. ^^ It was great! ^^

Tonight, my dear still never reply me. I guess he is no more angry. (Actually, I hope... ^^)

Last few days, I've completed the download for Bleach 204 for Jerry but I don't dare to tell him because I scared that he will still not reply...

I want to, so much, go and watch "The Wedding Game" with him so I don't dare to go to the Cinema. I don't know if he's happier without me in his life, I don't know if he misses me, I don't know if I still stand a chance to win his heart and the worst part is that I don't know what I can do to win back his heart.

I have a plan for Valentine's too, like him but mine was more naive one, I guess. I still do it although I don't know if I would be around. I want to qualify for Phuket and VIP for extravaganza this month, still have 1 day left to do 10,000 VP.

I hope that when I qualify something, he will forgive me.

I'm really tired now but later still have something to carry on... it's 1.15am now...

Good night, my dear. Kiss on the cheeks, forehead, chin and lips. I love you. Nights.

=?Enchanted?=

Fall For You

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find


This is the song, my dear gave me when we got back together after the first break up. Not only he fall for me again. I did too and it was much more deeper than the first time.

Today, I don't plead for my dear to forgive me but I plead for him to be happy. I know I was terrible, that's why he's so angry. I just hope that he can give me another chance to fall for him and love him again.

=?Enchanted?=

28/1/09

Today's really unlucky day. Wanted to go to Penang but because not feeling well so cancelled. Threw away the bus ticket RM43.35!!!!

Because was drunk yesterday, I vomited half a bucket, purge. Then no more strength and no appetite to eat. Luckily have shakes, if not, definitely will die of no more calories. I lost total of 2kg! Plus was vomiting whole night, I didn't sleep at all. Till now, I've not been sleeping for the pass 48 hours. ^^

Afternoon, have menstruation. This time have cramps because body calories not enough and yesterday took too much alcohol, I guess. The whole person seems drained.

My dear want to break up with me. Yes it hurts but it didn't hurt like before because this is my fault and the alcohol's fault. He don't want to let me see him again.

Yesterday, I could only remember asking him if he doesn't love me anymore because he was yelling at me. My dear is a polite guy, if he yells, means he's very angry. He was very angry with me. I didn't know why.

Today, I finally know. It was because of alcohol, I said alot of wrong things and he wants to leave me. Frankly, until now, I don't know what I've said... T.T (Can anyone tell me the whole story?)

All I know is that he feel humiliated. I just want to make a point here. I really didn't know what I was doing!

Dear, can you please forgive me? I promise you, I will not take any alcohol again. Please...

=?Enchanted?=