This few days, I've been really busy but really happy. Few days ago, baby tried to see how easy was it to get drunk so he let me drink brandy, i got drunk after 3 teaspoons... He was laughing. He say I was talking in chinese, teaching him to speak in chinese too. Haha.

But I am really really really happy. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

5 months off

It's been 5 months since I last wrote here. I have been searching for the 'me' which I'm always afraid that I will lose. I thought I lost it.

But then...

I didn't realise that when we change, it doesn't mean we lose ourselves. It means I'm just a butterfly that was a caterpillar but is still a caterpillar inside even if I posses as a butterfly.

I'm really afraid to change because no body can accept me being changed. It made me feel reluctant and hesitate if I can be a better person on my on. Thus, I became the one who try to make everybody around me feel worst so that I can be good.

I know it's wrong. I want to change and I will with absolute courage, change for the better. I know that no one can help me to change if I doubt for change.

Change, here I come!!!

=?Enchanted?=

19/6/09

Actually, I had alot to write but I can't remember what I want to write because it's like for many days, I've been wanting to write but was too lazy to... T.T

Anyway, I've learned alot and is ready to go for more changes and strive for the best. Let me have my time to force myself to change from this corrupted life to more meaningful life. I want to spend my life with my baby but with better conditions and babies. ^^

Life's a miracle when you believe. ^^ I have to consistently remind myself that.

=?Enchanted?=

11/6/09

Today, my baby is finally back!!! I'm really happy because I really miss him alot.

However, he's really tired. I really want to just lay in his arm and hug him throughout the night but he's tired. Then I just want to have a long, nice kiss, he's tired. I really feel like crying now. T.T

I slept alot the whole day so that we can spend some time tonight and I'm so awake now! He's behind me sleeping.. T.T

Baby, baby I really miss you so much, I couldn't sleep at home when you're not with me. T.T Please hug me when you sleep ok? I love you. Night night.

=?Enchanted?=

PS: After I finish posting this, I went to bed. Baby was sleeping on the whole bed himself. There's only a small space enough for a 1 year-old kid to sleep so I squeeze in and push him, finally I have a space. ^^ Then I lie in his arm and he hugged me. ^^ BUT, not even 5 SECONDS, he pushed me away. Of course, I didn't give up, try again. This time, we hugged for 5 minutes and I weren't even near to sleep then he push me away, this time, he GROWLED then totally turned away. Why I weren't near to wanting to sleep even though I'm really sleepy? Because when I hug my baby, his chest hair is so long that they are coming into my nose!!!! T.T Today's attempt fail again. T.T Try again tomorrow. T.T

PS2: finally he hugged me really tightly when he's sleeping... ^^ But only for a while because of the stupid weather... T.T Wished I have aircond now..

10/6/09

Today, I'm feeling really sad but at the same time happy.

Sad because my mom is coughing badly. I don't know what to do. I don't dare to ask her how she's feeling. It seems like she's suffering. It makes me really scared, it reminds me of my dad. I really don't want my mom to be sick anymore. It really cuts my heart.

Happy because my baby is coming back to Melaka in maximum 21 hours. ^^

How fast can I change my family condition? Please guide me and help me.

Ya Baha'u'll-abha!

=?Enchanted?=

8/6/09

It's the 2nd night I'm spending at home because my baby have to go to Cricket Tournament in JB..

Yesterday, I slept on the floor in the living room because there was no bed to sleep in my house. T.T Now I just feel like crying because my mom's sleeping on the lazy-man-chair in the living room, I don't know if it's for me but I feel like my heart is being sliced..

Another 90 days, I'm turning 20, it means my mom is turning 49 and 4 months and 12 days. She's getting older each day, having more and more white hair but still loving each and every of her daughter more. I really hope that I can abandoned my stupidness, stubborness and laziness to work really hard and earn alot so that she won't need to work.

Since dad passed away, she's been working really hard for the family. It's been 10 years now. T.T I love studying but I know that that is that my priority. I don't want to be a family burden anymore, I don't want to just know how to spend and save, I want to be able to contribute to the family. Even though, now, I still don't have any success yet, I know that one day, my day will come when my mom only need to worry about where to go for vacation and which dress to buy; no more worried about the water bill, electricity bill, land tax, indah water bill even about the prices of things she want. I want to be like Blake Morgan..

Mom, please give me more time. It's not because I'm stubborn that I don't want to give up what I'm doing and come home to help you. It's because I know I can do well in Herbalife. No matter how bad I'm doing now, I know that one day, I can give in all I know and be one of the star that no one can torn me down, no one will screw our life anymore.

I will do it honestly, sincerely and enthusiastically. May Papa, grandma, Abdul Baha and Baha'u'llah Bless our family with peace, happiness, joyfulness and guidance, everyday. I love you, my family. =)

=?Enchanted?=

2 crazy days.

To talk back, it didn't only sound weird, it felt weird.

Last 2 days, me, my baby and Juliana, just wanted to send Omaima to airport and after that send Juliana back to Nilai. Of course, after that, home sweet home, Melaka. ^^ We left at 7.30am from Melaka to KLIA.

No one could imagine how amazing this adventure could start. Once we reach Nilai, not even 30 minutes, Juliana said that it's an emergency and that we have to leave for PERAK at once!

Due to the emergency, we left for Perak. And we reach after I think 2 hours but i don't know if it's that long.... You'll know why in the end of this post. ^^ The fun thing that happen in Perak is that we stopped in almost every traffic light, asking for directions. But the funny thing is that, at the first traffic light, this happened:

"Hi aunty, how are you? Can you tell me where is Perak?" Then I translated into mandarin to aunty.

"Erm, you are actually in the city of Perak, Ipoh."

I burst into tears of laughter because I knew we were in Ipoh, PERAK too but subconsciously, I translated that question... Haha. Till now, I can still remember that funny moment. Haha.

Then we left for our DESTINATIONs...

Oh ya, in Ipoh, we went to The Lost World of Tambun, Sunway Ipoh City, Jaya Jusco (IPOH), etc.

We didn't go in the Waterpark because we were under budget. And the other two entertainment is UNDER UPGRADING!!!! We bought a 3 for RM10 keychain for each then left for Jaya Jusco. The interesting thing about the Jusco there is that, there's a sale going around everywhere and there's a FOC phone charging booth. ^^

After several hours in Perak, it was going to be midnight and we still couldn't find the person we were searching for and guess what?! We decided to leave for Pulau Pinang instead of Nilai!

I was sleeping the whole 40minutes drive to Pinang but I was told that they saw nice cars, drove of snakey roads, saw hot girls and also a drunk girl that's keep telling my baby where she stays... >.<''' 1.30am, we reach a guesthouse and just lied on the bed and sleep. Then we woke up at 11.55am to check out at 12noon. ^^ We're good customers. ^^

Guess what?! After that, we went around looking for FOOD. We stopped in Nasi Kandar shop and Waleed baby didn't want to eat at all! So we went around and around, looking for the Kassim Mustapha which is in Jalan Chulia. But we didn't find it. After 3 hours, rounding, looking for food, finally, my baby couldn't stand it and he turned crazy due to 2 reason, Penang drivers are CRAZY (it's true, they are really selfich and crazy drivers, even the motorcyclist!) and we cannot find any food which is Halal and for all!

I was having fever on the second day so I was sleeping then we ate in a food court. ^^ The most angry part is that 5 minutes after we left the food court with full stomach, we found Kassim Mustapha!

...and I saw the snakey road and beautiful beaches. ^^ Love Pulau Pinang view but hate Pulau Pinang people! I remember stopping to ask for place to go and eat, they say go here go there but we never found any! STARVED!!! Anyway...

We left for Melaka after that. Oh ya, at the Shell petrol station, one girl ask me how to lose weight... Button respond. ^^

We left for Melaka, under really no budget-no money. But we managed to reach, eat McDonalds and enjoy at 1.30am because my baby did MAGIC!!!!! =p

Overall, it's a crazy adventure. Now we've been to places and coincidently, with the same rented car. Maybe it's just fate. ^^

I'm really happy with the life now. I love you baby. ^^ Thanks alot. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

29/5/09

For the past one week, Weedo and me seems to have something in between. =(

Today, he shouted at me really really loud and I felt really scared. For a second, I felt like fainting. Later in the evening, we were hungry so he went to buy food but he came back after 1 hour plus. I was starving till my stomach's cramping. Then we walked to ATM to withdraw and went for drink. There, he ordered snack and because I told him to save, he got mad and didn't take the snack. Maybe the way I told him to save money was wrong but my intention were good. =(

I feel like crying now. My stomach's cramping and my head's aching. When would my baby understand that I didn't change and I need him even when I don't speak.

How can I let him understand that i just need him to be there for me even when I'm crying out loud and just couldn't stop?

How can i let him understand that sometimes I don't want to talk but I would tell him everything in the world as long as he don't yell at me when I keep quiet?

How do I let him know that I love him more than anything in the world and now I really need his support to be encouraged to start Herbalife again after my great fall?

How can I let him know that I love him so much that words can't say anything of how i feel inside?

Baby, please trust me. =(

=?Enchanted?=

we talked, finally.

After 18 months, last night, me and my mom talked.

I wasn't at all surprised with what she've said. Actually, it was expected already. No idea how it happened but still it happened. I love my mom and I wish to show her everything. Just give me time.

I don't want to brag how I'm going to be doing it. I'll be walking the talk.

Lets see what'll happened after that. ^^

Ya Baha'u'll-abha! May God Bless me! ^^

=?Enchanted?=