Enchanted Princess Diary...

2009-11-15T00:55:00.000-08:00

This few days, I've been really busy but really happy. Few days ago, baby tried to see how easy was it to get drunk so he let me drink brandy, i got drunk after 3 teaspoons... He was laughing. He say I was talking in chinese, teaching him to speak in chinese too. Haha.

But I am really really really happy. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

5 months off

2009-11-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

It's been 5 months since I last wrote here. I have been searching for the 'me' which I'm always afraid that I will lose. I thought I lost it.

But then...

I didn't realise that when we change, it doesn't mean we lose ourselves. It means I'm just a butterfly that was a caterpillar but is still a caterpillar inside even if I posses as a butterfly.

I'm really afraid to change because no body can accept me being changed. It made me feel reluctant and hesitate if I can be a better person on my on. Thus, I became the one who try to make everybody around me feel worst so that I can be good.

I know it's wrong. I want to change and I will with absolute courage, change for the better. I know that no one can help me to change if I doubt for change.

Change, here I come!!!

=?Enchanted?=

19/6/09

2009-06-19T11:49:00.000-07:00

Actually, I had alot to write but I can't remember what I want to write because it's like for many days, I've been wanting to write but was too lazy to... T.T

Anyway, I've learned alot and is ready to go for more changes and strive for the best. Let me have my time to force myself to change from this corrupted life to more meaningful life. I want to spend my life with my baby but with better conditions and babies. ^^

Life's a miracle when you believe. ^^ I have to consistently remind myself that.

=?Enchanted?=

11/6/09

2009-06-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

Today, my baby is finally back!!! I'm really happy because I really miss him alot.

However, he's really tired. I really want to just lay in his arm and hug him throughout the night but he's tired. Then I just want to have a long, nice kiss, he's tired. I really feel like crying now. T.T

I slept alot the whole day so that we can spend some time tonight and I'm so awake now! He's behind me sleeping.. T.T

Baby, baby I really miss you so much, I couldn't sleep at home when you're not with me. T.T Please hug me when you sleep ok? I love you. Night night.

=?Enchanted?=

PS: After I finish posting this, I went to bed. Baby was sleeping on the whole bed himself. There's only a small space enough for a 1 year-old kid to sleep so I squeeze in and push him, finally I have a space. ^^ Then I lie in his arm and he hugged me. ^^ BUT, not even 5 SECONDS, he pushed me away. Of course, I didn't give up, try again. This time, we hugged for 5 minutes and I weren't even near to sleep then he push me away, this time, he GROWLED then totally turned away. Why I weren't near to wanting to sleep even though I'm really sleepy? Because when I hug my baby, his chest hair is so long that they are coming into my nose!!!! T.T Today's attempt fail again. T.T Try again tomorrow. T.T

PS2: finally he hugged me really tightly when he's sleeping... ^^ But only for a while because of the stupid weather... T.T Wished I have aircond now..

10/6/09

2009-06-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm feeling really sad but at the same time happy.

Sad because my mom is coughing badly. I don't know what to do. I don't dare to ask her how she's feeling. It seems like she's suffering. It makes me really scared, it reminds me of my dad. I really don't want my mom to be sick anymore. It really cuts my heart.

Happy because my baby is coming back to Melaka in maximum 21 hours. ^^

How fast can I change my family condition? Please guide me and help me.

Ya Baha'u'll-abha!

=?Enchanted?=

8/6/09

2009-06-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

It's the 2nd night I'm spending at home because my baby have to go to Cricket Tournament in JB..

Yesterday, I slept on the floor in the living room because there was no bed to sleep in my house. T.T Now I just feel like crying because my mom's sleeping on the lazy-man-chair in the living room, I don't know if it's for me but I feel like my heart is being sliced..

Another 90 days, I'm turning 20, it means my mom is turning 49 and 4 months and 12 days. She's getting older each day, having more and more white hair but still loving each and every of her daughter more. I really hope that I can abandoned my stupidness, stubborness and laziness to work really hard and earn alot so that she won't need to work.

Since dad passed away, she's been working really hard for the family. It's been 10 years now. T.T I love studying but I know that that is that my priority. I don't want to be a family burden anymore, I don't want to just know how to spend and save, I want to be able to contribute to the family. Even though, now, I still don't have any success yet, I know that one day, my day will come when my mom only need to worry about where to go for vacation and which dress to buy; no more worried about the water bill, electricity bill, land tax, indah water bill even about the prices of things she want. I want to be like Blake Morgan..

Mom, please give me more time. It's not because I'm stubborn that I don't want to give up what I'm doing and come home to help you. It's because I know I can do well in Herbalife. No matter how bad I'm doing now, I know that one day, I can give in all I know and be one of the star that no one can torn me down, no one will screw our life anymore.

I will do it honestly, sincerely and enthusiastically. May Papa, grandma, Abdul Baha and Baha'u'llah Bless our family with peace, happiness, joyfulness and guidance, everyday. I love you, my family. =)

=?Enchanted?=

2 crazy days.

2009-06-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

To talk back, it didn't only sound weird, it felt weird.

Last 2 days, me, my baby and Juliana, just wanted to send Omaima to airport and after that send Juliana back to Nilai. Of course, after that, home sweet home, Melaka. ^^ We left at 7.30am from Melaka to KLIA.

No one could imagine how amazing this adventure could start. Once we reach Nilai, not even 30 minutes, Juliana said that it's an emergency and that we have to leave for PERAK at once!

Due to the emergency, we left for Perak. And we reach after I think 2 hours but i don't know if it's that long.... You'll know why in the end of this post. ^^ The fun thing that happen in Perak is that we stopped in almost every traffic light, asking for directions. But the funny thing is that, at the first traffic light, this happened:

"Hi aunty, how are you? Can you tell me where is Perak?" Then I translated into mandarin to aunty.

"Erm, you are actually in the city of Perak, Ipoh."

I burst into tears of laughter because I knew we were in Ipoh, PERAK too but subconsciously, I translated that question... Haha. Till now, I can still remember that funny moment. Haha.

Then we left for our DESTINATIONs...

Oh ya, in Ipoh, we went to The Lost World of Tambun, Sunway Ipoh City, Jaya Jusco (IPOH), etc.

We didn't go in the Waterpark because we were under budget. And the other two entertainment is UNDER UPGRADING!!!! We bought a 3 for RM10 keychain for each then left for Jaya Jusco. The interesting thing about the Jusco there is that, there's a sale going around everywhere and there's a FOC phone charging booth. ^^

After several hours in Perak, it was going to be midnight and we still couldn't find the person we were searching for and guess what?! We decided to leave for Pulau Pinang instead of Nilai!

I was sleeping the whole 40minutes drive to Pinang but I was told that they saw nice cars, drove of snakey roads, saw hot girls and also a drunk girl that's keep telling my baby where she stays... >.<''' 1.30am, we reach a guesthouse and just lied on the bed and sleep. Then we woke up at 11.55am to check out at 12noon. ^^ We're good customers. ^^

Guess what?! After that, we went around looking for FOOD. We stopped in Nasi Kandar shop and Waleed baby didn't want to eat at all! So we went around and around, looking for the Kassim Mustapha which is in Jalan Chulia. But we didn't find it. After 3 hours, rounding, looking for food, finally, my baby couldn't stand it and he turned crazy due to 2 reason, Penang drivers are CRAZY (it's true, they are really selfich and crazy drivers, even the motorcyclist!) and we cannot find any food which is Halal and for all!

I was having fever on the second day so I was sleeping then we ate in a food court. ^^ The most angry part is that 5 minutes after we left the food court with full stomach, we found Kassim Mustapha!

...and I saw the snakey road and beautiful beaches. ^^ Love Pulau Pinang view but hate Pulau Pinang people! I remember stopping to ask for place to go and eat, they say go here go there but we never found any! STARVED!!! Anyway...

We left for Melaka after that. Oh ya, at the Shell petrol station, one girl ask me how to lose weight... Button respond. ^^

We left for Melaka, under really no budget-no money. But we managed to reach, eat McDonalds and enjoy at 1.30am because my baby did MAGIC!!!!! =p

Overall, it's a crazy adventure. Now we've been to places and coincidently, with the same rented car. Maybe it's just fate. ^^

I'm really happy with the life now. I love you baby. ^^ Thanks alot. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

29/5/09

2009-05-29T07:41:00.001-07:00

For the past one week, Weedo and me seems to have something in between. =(

Today, he shouted at me really really loud and I felt really scared. For a second, I felt like fainting. Later in the evening, we were hungry so he went to buy food but he came back after 1 hour plus. I was starving till my stomach's cramping. Then we walked to ATM to withdraw and went for drink. There, he ordered snack and because I told him to save, he got mad and didn't take the snack. Maybe the way I told him to save money was wrong but my intention were good. =(

I feel like crying now. My stomach's cramping and my head's aching. When would my baby understand that I didn't change and I need him even when I don't speak.

How can I let him understand that i just need him to be there for me even when I'm crying out loud and just couldn't stop?

How can i let him understand that sometimes I don't want to talk but I would tell him everything in the world as long as he don't yell at me when I keep quiet?

How do I let him know that I love him more than anything in the world and now I really need his support to be encouraged to start Herbalife again after my great fall?

How can I let him know that I love him so much that words can't say anything of how i feel inside?

Baby, please trust me. =(

=?Enchanted?=

we talked, finally.

2009-05-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

After 18 months, last night, me and my mom talked.

I wasn't at all surprised with what she've said. Actually, it was expected already. No idea how it happened but still it happened. I love my mom and I wish to show her everything. Just give me time.

I don't want to brag how I'm going to be doing it. I'll be walking the talk.

Lets see what'll happened after that. ^^

Ya Baha'u'll-abha! May God Bless me! ^^

=?Enchanted?=

The past 10 days...

2009-05-16T00:19:00.000-07:00

I have been staying in a house without electricity for the past more than 10 days. I don't know how I could survive being in it, anyway. ^^

I used to be really spoiled but now I'm just having fun to be staying in place I used to be not able to get used to. Living out of own comfortable house is really a new thing I have to get used to. It've been really difficult but I'm getting used to it already.

Many things happened. Many times I grow. Many people I met, get to know and many of them left. I see alot of new things and I feel alot of new feelings. Life is really a magic.

Miracle things I never thought of, started happening. It's like my greater test is starting because God have answered my prayer to give me a new and harder test. It's really miraculous.

Here I am, in the same place I cried, last Saturday and now I'm looking into the laptop, writing my blog. It's really weird.

Why am I just a normal human? I want to change. To live the life to the fullest. Lets be extraordinary by doing what an ordinary person does, do his best in everything.

I have changed?

=?Enchanted?=

22/4/09

2009-04-21T13:56:00.000-07:00

Today is my first day of menstruation.. Maybe because I'm too tired, I'm having cramps... T.T

I feel alone now. No one can help me.

I miss those days.

=?Enchanted?=

18/4/2009

2009-04-17T13:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how long I didn't update my blog. Alot have been happening and I don't know if I can post them here --> privacy and security. ^^

For the past 7 days, it's been a really bad week. I've hurt my baby so many times, I don't know if he understand that when he's hurt, I feel more hurt. I can't believe all this is happening to me. I really love him. Today, he told me that he want to break for few days but he didn't say it.

I feel sadder after hear him saying that. I feel like breaking apart now. My brain and my mind can't connect. What's happening?

I want to break free. Who can I turn to? I don't need a boyfriend, I need a real man.

=?Enchanted?=

18/3/09

2009-03-18T05:44:00.000-07:00

It's really a stressful day. After all the work, I wished I could rest but it seems so restless. I promised to help my friend with his assignment and now I have an unsolved problem. I need money. Where should I go? Who should I go to?

Tell me why that it has to be like this. Why is all this so forcefully? Why is this so cruel? Why is this happening to me?

Sometimes, actually all the time, I want to give up but it's just driving me nearer to my goals then you drive me further because of your words. Please let me be free for some time. Set me free.

Who can I turn to now?

=?Enchanted?=

11/3/09

2009-03-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm really pissed off. Guess what happened? Somebody stolen my sister's phone from my house! Till now, it's still a mist. I can't do anything. I don't understand what's happening. I feel that it's a great danger. It's either the person who repaired the phone took it or there were someone else.

I'm really pissed off because mom let the suspect go and sister didn't want to report to the police. Yes I know that the police can't do anything but what if someone had another spare keys to my house. What would happen to my family?

Can anyone tell me what should I do? I don't want anyone to harm my family.

=?Enchanted?=

07/3/09

2009-03-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

After Jerry's incident, I really thought I could never fall in love with another boy. I guess, I overestimated myself. Now, I understand that everything is fated. If it's yours, it's yours.

Lately, I've spent 10 days out of my house, I still go home everyday but I don't sleep at home. Actually, I try to want to sleep at home but there was no space for me. I don't know how you would feel about me but I know that I don't fancy a home that is like a place to sleep only. I want to feel home.

I have new friends that treats me like family. However, when it comes to problem, I really don't want to bother them because they really can 't help even if I tell. ^^ Anyway, I don't expect them to help me. I just wan them to be happy and see me as a happy person.

Baby, you're so sweet. Today you asked me, "why do you like me?" I really don't know why. I've been thinking of this question too. I guess it's because you have a shoulder that would protect me and you gave me a good, strong first impression. You protected me. Really made me love you.

I don't know if you would love me too. Just hope that you're happy. ^^ Even if you say you want to be just friend. Deep down in my heart, though I don't want to be just friend, but it's ok, as long as you're happy.

=?Enchanted?=

28/2/09

2009-02-28T14:34:00.000-08:00

I had a great day. I went dancing in a friend's friend's birthday party. It was filled with smoke and alcohol but still, I stick to my principle, no cigarettes down my throat and no more alcohol trough my lips. ^^ I did it.

It was a great day. Good for a new comer to dance. Love dancing.

Had some experience of people wanted to hook up with me and someone protected me. ^^ I like the feeling of being protected. ^^ I love dancing and today I really had fun. ^^

It's my best time of the week after all those problems I have to solve throughout the whole breakup process. I can chill now!

Other than this, that guy's not bugging me anymore, today. Haha. ^^

Overall, it's an average day. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

SHOCK!

2009-02-28T01:45:00.000-08:00

I called my best friend, Rami few hours ago and he suddenly told me, "I may not come to Malaysia. My dad wants me to get married. I'm meeting my fiancee for the second time in 2 weeks."

I was shocked! He have to get married and stay in Saudi!!!

He promised to let me see his wife so he might come to Malaysia with his wife to see me. ^^

I guess she's very beautiful, that's why he want to show off. Haha.

Rami, wish you have a happy marriage. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

Help! Help! Help! Help!

2009-02-27T22:46:00.000-08:00

It's driving me crazy!!!!

There's this guy, everyday, he calls me more than 50 times, miss calls me more than 50 times, texts me more than 50 times!!!! I can't work! Sh**!

If he can't get through me, he'll track me everywhere. My house, my working places, places I go! Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave me alone!!

I've scolded him and it seems that he's ignoring it. I've told him to stop and he's becoming worse!!! I think I need to shift! AH!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!

He started behaving like this since he know that I don't have a boyfriend! HELP!!!! Other than this, he keeps hinting me on things!! He's now planning to buy a house and want me to shift in to live with him! He's talking to me about wedding, children's names, his family! S*it!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can anyone suggest me what to do? I can't possibly change my number because it's a business number. so how???????? I've scolded, yelled at him and now I'm running away from him. I've tell him off but he's turning more ON!!! Help!!!!!!

Disgusted by everything has in common with him!!! HELP!!!!! Please Please Please Please!!!!!

=?Enchanted?=

26/2/09

2009-02-26T21:18:00.000-08:00

I had an happy day till I had a call. I was scolded. Amy called abroad to encourage me. I'm really happy. ^^

I really thought I could let him be just a memory but he came into my dream. All the sweet memories. I swear I didn't think of him the whole day, I swear I wasn't thinking about him before I sleep. But after dreaming of him, I can't stop missing him.

My dear friends, I know you all hope that I can forget him. I know you all think that he's not suitable for me. I know you all want me to live a better life. I promised you all I would and I will. This is my promise and I'll fulfill it.

It's not that I don't want to meet any other guys after him but I need time. Please don't bring me to meet different guys everyday BUT if it's for business then it's ok. ^^

I could smell him. The smell of the cigarettes, he had before we fell apart. I really miss him. Everyone said that it's impossible.

Maybe it's true that it's just puppy love, to everyone. But to me, I never loved anyone like him before. I hope I can love again, this time, not him but my children-Marvin, Jay Scree, Theevi Sri, Yugen and Brethen (future one, if have. ^^). Maybe my future husband will come after this.

It's like the story I read.

A student asked a teacher, “What is love?” The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can pick only once and cannot turn back to pick again.”

The student went to the field, go through the first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wanders….maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one… but maybe there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he started to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up going back to the teacher empty handed. The teacher told him, “…this is love… you keep looking for a better one, but when you realized later on, you have already missed the person….”

“What is marriage then?” The student asked.

The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can pick only once and cannot turn back to pick again.”

The student went back to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reached the middle of the field, he picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, “this time you bring back a corn…. you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you can get…. this is marriage.”

I guess I looked for the just nice but the just nice just didn't think I was enough.

=?Enchanted?=

Life's beautiful.

2009-02-25T22:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I finally put the glass down and let Jerry be just a memory I don't want to remember. Everyone seems so happy about it. I don't know why.

However, I'm so free now. You all ah, keep disturbing me until my freedom, have to be given to you. Haha..

Today, I watched "Fall For You" and I have a different feelings. Only I understand that giving up on someone is really easy.

Just like last month, Jenny from Hong Kong told me. "Su Ling, it's difficult to build something but it takes one blink to destroy it." It is really true. It doesn't take a year to destroy a building but it takes years to build one. Life.

Life's beautiful from today because money comes, VP comes, happiness comes. ^^

Guess what, I'm talking to Raj again. We're having some activities to do together because I always want to serve in short term and he's going to help me. Hooray! ^^ Thanks, my best friend. ^^

My group is growing too. ^^ LOVE ya ALLL!!!

=?no more ENCHANTED?=

22/2/09

2009-02-22T08:14:00.000-08:00

I had a great day. I had a calm day too. Many said that I've changed, today.

They said that I'm more calm.
They said that I'm more quiet.
They said that I'm humble.
They said that I'm suspend.
They said that I'm cute.

I went to Muar today and had alot of food. I always wanted to go and finally I'm there, eating. I ate duck rice. I had a little ulcer in the mouth so wasn't really enjoying but I had alot. ^^

Then, I bought alot of food back too. ^^ Ate with Takali, Marvin, Baby and Yugen!!! They're so cute. ^^ Love them so much!!!

I had few appointments only for today but I've earned my living today. ^^

I miss him very much, I have things in mind, I want to tell but I feel that it might confuse him. My friends told me that if I don't tell him, he might hate me more. However, if I tell him the truth and the fact of my worries for the past 2 months, would it make him not hate me?

It's the same in both ways. I guess it's just a confirmation. Nothing matters much now. Money is more important because I may need to support more than one person for the forthcoming one year or maybe 8 months.

SU LING! WORK!!!!

=?Enchanted?=

20/2/09

2009-02-21T02:47:00.000-08:00

Today, had a new customer and I realize that it was fun doing Herbalife. I could really help people. It was great! ^^

I was really tired but have no choice. Still have to work my A_ _ off. Had appointments up to 4am! Then woke up at 10am to drive to KL for HOM. Fortunate have a new success builder and 2 new customer. ^^

It's been great! There's something, bothering me really much. I hope it's what I wish for.

=?Enchanted?=

18/2/09

2009-02-18T20:51:00.000-08:00

I had been through alot for the day. Life sucks at a point but in the end, the possibility is still there. ^^

Therefore, I try to look at the possibilities rather than challenges and wow! Everything changed and I've got it great!

Oh my God! It's so cool!

I have some problems now which I can't mention here. I'm afraid I would create panic here. =P

I hope it'll all be through.

=?Enchanted?=

14/2/09

2009-02-15T06:01:00.000-08:00

I had Valentine but no Valentine's Day, as usual. I bought roses, chocolate and was just giving away to everyone I see, which are singles. ^^ Actually, I give my neighbours, all of them too. ^^

I received some too. ^^ It was funny because I told them, received but rejected. Haha.

It's really working on me. I still have 6 days to go. I'll cherish what I can remember now. ^^

Hope a miracle will happen.

=?Enchanted?=

12/2/09

2009-02-13T00:51:00.000-08:00

It's getting lesser for me to want to really let go myself now. Yesterday, I went out at 4am because I was too sad after reading the message sent by someone. I felt really really upset and disappointed with myself. It's because I'm no more the talented and perfect person, everyone expect me to be. I feel sad letting everyone down, especially my dear.

I came home, today at 3pm. I was wondering around then I went to my friend's house to sleep. i feel really lost. Even Tom said that, "Su Ling, you're lost."

I'm applying to go for studies this year. I bought my first car, although it's secondhand. I'm buying my first house, it's not confirmed yet because the house is a dream house. I hope I can get the house. I love the house.

I want to have a family. Can anyone give me a family? Please.

=?Enchanted?=

11/2/09

2009-02-12T04:25:00.000-08:00

Today, some of my friends said that I've changed. Not only my look but also the way I talk. They say that I'm not that pushy anymore. Other than that, I'm no more that stubborn and willing to listen.

I've got compliments and I'm happy about it, just that, that's not the happiness I wanted.

I'm still available on Valentine's.. What to do? I really want to know what to do. I'm still waiting for my dear to ask me out... Please ask me out...

I've got lots of invitations but not yet from my dear...

=?Enchanted?=

Life is a Gift

2009-02-11T00:45:00.000-08:00

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.

She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear; for before they were yours, they were mine.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive- Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.

08/2/09

2009-02-08T21:13:00.000-08:00

Can you differentiate love and like?

When you like someone, you want to be with him always because he brings you happiness; when he leaves you, you will miss him, think of him and you'll smile then carry on with your life thus hoping to see him the next time.

When you love someone, you want to be together with him because that is a feeling that you miss him like crazy, you're afraid he will feel tortured, afraid that he can't take care of himself; when he leaves you, you will miss him too then you would sigh then think, "i guess how he's living now?" Then you would continue with your life but hope that he comes back to you.

In your eyes,the person you like is like an angel, he can do everything, he can always fulfill your willfulness requirements.

In your eyes, the person you love is like a child, you don't hope that he does anything "great", you just tolerate every funny act he does.

You just hope that the person you like will always be beside you, then in your heart, you may think of the person you love;

You hope that the person you love will be beside you, looking at him, sleeping in front of you freely and relaxed, you will smile and feel really happy.

The person you like, hurt you, you will be angry and you want him to make you smile, then you would forgive him;

The person you love hurt you, you would feel sad alone because you're scared that he would scream at you thus frighten him, you can only smile, look into his eyes and once you saw in his eyes, his regrets and feeling sorry, you will want to lie in his arm, at that moment, you feel as though you have the whole world.

You can like more than one at a time, you hope that many can stay together. However, you realize that the person you love is only him. The only one, and it would never change. You thought you have forgotten him, but it's because you're too busy, no time to think of him.

Towards the person you like, you look into his pros;

Towards the person you love, you look into his shortcomings; if those shortcomings are not something to do with principles, in your eyes, they're cute and incomparable.

Like and love, there's no big difference. However, love starts with like.

One day, when you suddenly realize that the person you like is no more perfect, and his imperfection makes you want to stay on with you longer, you'll feel that he's glowing, compared to others. You're more willing to look at his helpless emotions, don't know if it should be congrats because your relationship has just upgrade.

Admiration is not love nor is it like, when you admire someone while you're committed, you would lose peacefulness.

Some people say, when you love someone, it's tiring. It is true, because you want to be taking care of his everything, you want to be responsible for all his problems so that he wouldn't need to face it alone.

The biggest difference between love and like is most probably, when you're with the person you love, you feel like you're home.

I really don't know what I can do. I don't know if I can still get back to my dear. I really miss him very very very very very very very very much. I feel terribly sad but I don't want him to feel sad. I don't know if he have forgiven me but I hope he still loves me.

My dear, I'm sorry couldn't let you stay with me.

Yesterday, a friend told me that to find a person to date, it's because you like that person but for a guy, when makes them stay on with that person, it's their character.

I guess I have to change so that my dear would forgive me and come back to me.

Thanks for those who have scolded me for the past week about my shortcomings. I'll change and change thoroughly.

Dear, please wait for me, give me some time. Remember that you have to marry me 4 years later. Give me time and a chance. Thanks.

I love you.

=?Enchanted?=

Dream House

2009-02-02T08:44:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking. What would my dream house be?

What is a dream house?

Now, it means a cosy place where me and my dear can feel warm. I just need a small house.

If we have kids, we can get a bigger house but not too big because I don't want to feel cold. ^^

I like the living room. It's awesome.
It's a guesthouse I stayed in KL before. I love it.

What is your dream house?
=?Enchanted?=

2/2/09

2009-02-02T05:59:00.000-08:00

Days without him is like days without air. My team member said that I look like a car without fuel.

I really don't have the heart. I want to laugh but the laugh is not from the heart. I really hate myself now. Me, my mouth.

Why didn't I become someone better?

I really don't know who I am. I really don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I really don't know anything. What type of dream should I have?

It's like everything is nothing.

I love going for clubs, karaoke now. I don't have other things to do.

Here's my goal, everyday. Have 3 new customers everyday then go and have fun, every night. Cool huh?

I just want to dance it all out. I hope he can be dancing with me one day when we go without letting each other know that we're going. ^^ Will it ever happen?

I just want to marry him. Is it wrong to want to marry the person you love? Yes, I know what I've said have really hurt him but I really didn't mean to hurt him.

Now, he's cooling himself but I don't know if he've forgiven me. I know it's my fault. I'm sorry.

I used to think that our relationship might not last because I might fall in love for another guy and leave him. I thought he was just a replacement. However, every time, he says he wants to leave me, it's like my heart is missing, I could hardly breathe.

Last Saturday, I purposely asked Rami out and see if I would fall in love with him but the fact is that I told him to not touch me because my dear won't like. Immediately, I knew, my dear was not just a replacement. He was the one I want.

I was thinking, being with him, is there only sorrows? Yes. Falling in love with him, I'm filled with sorrow. I can't be with him all the time. Sometimes, I miss him like crazy but I can't tell him because he mind how people look at us. It was sorrowful.

I try my best to think of the things I used to think that he treated me really bad. However, no matter how hard I think now, I can't think of what's the bad thing he had done to me. I was expecting too much.

If I was given another chance, I would never repeat my mistake anymore.

The main thing now is that, can he accept me again?

=?Enchanted?=

1/2/09

2009-02-01T06:16:00.000-08:00

Today, it's really a tiring day. I've closed 2 customers tonight. Just by inviting them to do a follow up scanning. ^^ It was great! ^^

Tonight, my dear still never reply me. I guess he is no more angry. (Actually, I hope... ^^)

Last few days, I've completed the download for Bleach 204 for Jerry but I don't dare to tell him because I scared that he will still not reply...

I want to, so much, go and watch "The Wedding Game" with him so I don't dare to go to the Cinema. I don't know if he's happier without me in his life, I don't know if he misses me, I don't know if I still stand a chance to win his heart and the worst part is that I don't know what I can do to win back his heart.

I have a plan for Valentine's too, like him but mine was more naive one, I guess. I still do it although I don't know if I would be around. I want to qualify for Phuket and VIP for extravaganza this month, still have 1 day left to do 10,000 VP.

I hope that when I qualify something, he will forgive me.

I'm really tired now but later still have something to carry on... it's 1.15am now...

Good night, my dear. Kiss on the cheeks, forehead, chin and lips. I love you. Nights.

=?Enchanted?=

Fall For You

2009-01-29T22:42:00.000-08:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is the song, my dear gave me when we got back together after the first break up. Not only he fall for me again. I did too and it was much more deeper than the first time.

Today, I don't plead for my dear to forgive me but I plead for him to be happy. I know I was terrible, that's why he's so angry. I just hope that he can give me another chance to fall for him and love him again.

=?Enchanted?=

28/1/09

2009-01-28T05:42:00.000-08:00

Today's really unlucky day. Wanted to go to Penang but because not feeling well so cancelled. Threw away the bus ticket RM43.35!!!!

Because was drunk yesterday, I vomited half a bucket, purge. Then no more strength and no appetite to eat. Luckily have shakes, if not, definitely will die of no more calories. I lost total of 2kg! Plus was vomiting whole night, I didn't sleep at all. Till now, I've not been sleeping for the pass 48 hours. ^^

Afternoon, have menstruation. This time have cramps because body calories not enough and yesterday took too much alcohol, I guess. The whole person seems drained.

My dear want to break up with me. Yes it hurts but it didn't hurt like before because this is my fault and the alcohol's fault. He don't want to let me see him again.

Yesterday, I could only remember asking him if he doesn't love me anymore because he was yelling at me. My dear is a polite guy, if he yells, means he's very angry. He was very angry with me. I didn't know why.

Today, I finally know. It was because of alcohol, I said alot of wrong things and he wants to leave me. Frankly, until now, I don't know what I've said... T.T (Can anyone tell me the whole story?)

All I know is that he feel humiliated. I just want to make a point here. I really didn't know what I was doing!

Dear, can you please forgive me? I promise you, I will not take any alcohol again. Please...

=?Enchanted?=

27/1/09

2009-01-27T20:36:00.000-08:00

He said it again. He wants to let go my hand. He say it's final. I wonder if he ever tried to understand me. It's like nothing I said means anything to him. He always say me this, me that. Yes, I does that too but even when he tries to let go my hand, I know he don't want to. That's the reason, I always struggle.

Yes, what I worried have happened. Everybody was right but me. I have too much faith in him. I thought he would love me like he promised but it was just a nightmare, to him.

No. I am wrong now. I never should have pin-pointed and stretch on his shortcomings and let him feel that I want him to change. In fact, he changed. From the start till now, it was sweet to cold. Good to bad. Great to worst. And I caused it.

My stubbornness, my big mouth. Like what my family said. Even they have give up on me, I should have know that Jerry would give up on me too. It was least expected. I thought I could really hang on to him.

It happened after I was drunk. I didn't even know what I said. Oh my God! It's driving me crazy because Michelle, Jerry and Chee Siong sounded serious but I didn't know what I've said. =.=

All I can do is to pray. He may not know me well enough to really know me. Time will prove it. I vomited the whole night, once I thought of him. Not because he's disgusting. It's because I disgust him. I am disgusting.

What is love? What is future? What is dream? It means nothing to me now. When my 100% is gone, where to get another one. He was the one who gave me the love; he was the one who promised me the future; he was the one who gave me a hope that I can have dreams with him and it's for real.

What am I to live on now?

=?Enchanted?=

25/1/09

2009-01-26T02:03:00.000-08:00

It's indeed a great year. I have been thinking but somehow, worried too.

Yesterday, I went to my dear's house. Well, I hadn't been meeting him for 10 days, I really missed him. However, I didn't want to bother him much because I'm always afraid that he'll get angry. I know it's wrong to think like this but I always have the phobia that he will leave me. I just can't let myself have this chance of letting him leave.

It gets me worried when I read the zodiac thing. He's an ox, I'm a snake. Well, from relationships, we're both bad but some people like my aunt said that ox and snake are perfect match. I don't know if my dear think I'm his perfect match because whenever I see him, it's like he's not smiling much... (I'm afraid he's not happy..)

I read StarMag at his place. I know he loves reading it so I read it too, every week, just to know him more. ^^ When I was reading it, I was thinking to write to Miss Thelma about me and him's problem. However, when I wanted to write, I find that there was no problem. I was thinking too much. ^^ (Don't worry, you'll think too much when you really love that person. ^^)

I'm really excited, every time I know that I would be seeing him later. Just so excited and HAPPY! No matter how tired I was, I would just be awake. ^^ I don't know if he's like that too but I just like to see him as we don't have much time together.

I always hear people talking this and that about relationships but one thing I totally agree is that, "When you're really in love with that person, you'll always feel insecure and feel that that person might leave you."

That's true. I'm always afraid my dear might leave me because I'm not good enough. Last time, I try to be myself in front of him but seems that he wants something else so I try to change some things. At first, I felt that it was difficult and impossible but later on, I find that it was true and it helped me more in my business. Thanks dear. ^^

For all this while, I'm just waiting for 2 things from my dear. First. The time when he prepare to make me, his friend and also his family. Last. The time he can really open his heart to me.

This few days, I've been thinking. What made me fall in love with him? I just remember one thing he said, "when I have a chance to hold this hand, I will never let it go." He held my hand. At that time, I let go his hand because I had a boyfriend but deep down, I really wanted to hold on to his hand. He was the first who kept the promise till now though there was once he wanted to teach me a lesson and asked for breakup. (Please, let that be the first, only and last time. No more!!!!!)

At last, I OFFICIALLY broke up with that guy and got to him. It was not very romantic but it was just the type of feeling I always wanted. For me, I don't wish for an ambitious guy. I just wish for one that will try his best to be there for me, love me, care for me and walk with me. Though, he's not everything I wanted but he's already 75%.

Sometimes, when I post posts here, I'm always afraid he will misunderstood because he always read, assume, then don't ask. =.=''' I just wish we have more time to spend and talk.

Last weekend, we went to Spectacular and we were asked to write down 50 dreams. Then another personal request by Felan himself, another 50. Out of this 100, my dear owns 25% of it and he's in 75% of it... I don't know how to let my dear know, because he mentioned something about me mentioning about myself too much. I'm trying to change that. ^^

Lately, I'm very worried when I talk to my dear. He've been smoking. Frankly, I don't like smokers but it's hard when it comes to my dear. It's ok he wants to smoke but I just want him to be healthy. I don't want to be too bossy and pressure him about smoking so I try not to talk too much about it.

One thing I feel really sad is looking him being thinner each day. I don't know how to talk to him about it. Yes, it will affect my business but that's not the reason. From what I know is that, when one is too thin, he might have pimples problem, hormone imbalance, digestive system problem, heart problem, gastric problem, reproductive system problem. PLUS he is smoking...

I've been thinking. What if he pass on first? It would be really cruel to me because he'll leave me. I can't take it. However, I can't be more unhealthy because it would draw my income down and I couldn't make his dream come true.

Why am I so anxious about his dream? (Although he told me he don't have dream but he didn't realize that he have. I know it's my responsibility to let him discover his extraordinary self. ^^)

When we had dinner with Katherine Yiu and Felan Yu. I talked to Felan. I told him, "Felan, I had a boyfriend that is like the before you but I know that he will be like you now." Felan said that, "I believe you can. If I can do it, he can too." Although someone beside said that my dear would never change but I believe that my dear will.

Before that, what made me wanted to talk to Felan about him? I heard Katherine and Felan's love story. Katherine said that she fight so hard in the Herbalife business was because of Felan. She wants to make his dream come true.

She said that, "Felan is my first boyfriend and first husband (of course she meant "the only one"!) He was the one, I love since I knew him but only when he turn 19, we could be together. In his life, he have only made 2 decisions. The first one, was to propose to me when he was 26 and the second one, was to be a Herbalife Distributor when he turn 30. I want to help him realize his dream because he definitely saw something in it."

Then, Felan said, "She was the one who made my dream come true first. I always wanted her to be my wife and when I proposed to her, she said 'YES'! Now, I will help her with her dream. To have financial freedom and to bring happiness to our parents."

I don't know if I have made Jerry's dream come true but he made my first dream come true. He promised that he would hold my hand forever and he really did, whenever he have a chance to. ^^ The second dream was to have someone like him in my life and fortunately, he was the only one I ever dreamt of. (so no confusions. ^^) I have many many dreams now and he is in all the pictures. My friend told me it's too early to say but i know he is the one I'm looking for. Of course, I have two ultimate dreams. Everybody should knows what they are. I've been talking so much about them. =.='''

I don't know what is his ultimate dream but whatever his dream is, I will try my best to do it. He told me what he car liked and I really tried my best to get one. I want to make his dream come true. I really want to.

Dear, although it's been really tough for us because we're from different backgrounds, different culture, different education and different thoughts but I know that where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time.

I love you, dear. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

22/1/09

2009-01-21T08:19:00.000-08:00

I hope my dear won't read this because he might feel sad.. I don't wish that he is sad..

That day, I sent him an sms asking if we can celebrate Valentine's together earlier because I'm not going to be around during Valentine's Day. But he say, he don't celebrate Valentine's.

He may not know how much it means to me, I guess.

I love receiving gifts, especially flowers and chocolates because I love roses as it means warmth, chocolate means warmth from inside.

Every year, in fact, everyday, I pray that I can have Valentine's everyday.

14/1/09 it's It's Diary Valentine's. I got it.

14/2/09, I'm going to have no Valentines. T.T

To me, every single Valentine's past, it means greater understanding and deeper love. And the celebration means to celebrate our greater understanding and deeper love.

Yesterday, I wanted so much to meet him but he were to rush home and do tarts. I can't be angry, sad or even jealous because I promised him that I won't do that again. Though I was really missing him a lot but I know this is my promise. I just don't want and can't afford to lose him again. I really can't.

I don't even know if I have the right to insist that I want to see him. I always give him a reason to look for me but to him, it was not urgent enough. I guess I don't know how to spread my urgency of wanting to see him.

Although he broke his promises but I will never break mine.
Although he decided to do things his way but I will never if I would hurt him.
Although he seldom try to ask me what I think but I will never miss a chance to know him more.
Although he don't express his love to me but I know I will love him and only him.
Although he doesn't know that I am still thinking a lot but I know I think so much is because I love him and I'm just feeling insecure and afraid to lose him.
Although he don't know how to express him feelings but I know that one day, he will tell me he love me most.
Although I know that me, being successful in this business, may draw us apart but I have no choice because I want to realize his dreams.
Although I know that he may not know and understand why I always act smart in front of him but he don't know that I just want him to be proud of me.
Although I don't know if I'll be the one for him but I know that he is the one for me.
Although I don't know if he loves me anymore but I know that I will love him, no matter what.

I will have PERSISTENCE, CONSISTENCE and URGENCY.
I will love him, selflessly, continuously and undemanding.
I will love him every second I have and I can breathe.
I will be there for him when he needs me.

I don't know if he can be there for me when he needs me but I can only say that that's all I can say.

=?Enchanted?=

Spectacular Journal! 17-18/2/09

2009-01-18T08:11:00.000-08:00

It was a crazy FUN and it was unbelievable. I couldn't believe that I've got the chance to be part of Dennis Dowell's training. He's unbelievably amazing.

I have learned alot and when I say alot, it really means ALOT!!!

This would be something that's going to drive me somewhere. I know it will.

First Day
It was a fun day of being able to sit near the stage and see everything there that is driving me somewhere. I was in Katherine Yiu and Felan Yu's training. They were school teachers that had a dreams, dreams that wouldn't come true when they had their house on morgage and everything was in instalment. They taught me to be humble, thank your sponsor, be grateful, thankful. Be persistent, consistent and have urgency. I have to make it because it's either I do or die in the biz.

At night, at the cartoon party, I played my role being a cartoon and together we had party, like CRAZEEEESSSSSSSS!! I danced like I never danced and I walked bare footed for 20 minutes with WENDY!! It was a crazy night.

I slept at 4.30am after I completed my 50 reasons to do Herbalife. I did my quota, talk to new people. ^^

Second Day
What happened today was that I went through a training by a distributor that's personally signed up by Mark Hughes himself. He was unbelievable. He was him. I really respected Mark Hughes and now I respect him, admire him and love him. He really have a big heart, like Abdul Baha. Dennis Dowell was the distributor, personally trained and signed by Mark Hughes. He really taught me alot. It was great!

After that, we went shopping. Having legs that was going to break anytime, I was happy because it was a once in a life time experience. Oh ya, it really helped me because I did walk and talk. ERm not really. It's shop and talk. Haha... Eventually, I've got few new numbers. It was great!

In conclusion, I had a great fun. I love Herbalife and I wish Jerry can join me too, one day. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

9/1/09

2009-01-09T08:33:00.000-08:00

I did Tatoo today.. One is for public to see and one is secret. Of course it's temporary!

I didn't have my dear beside me, I won't dare to do a permanent one... He's my courage, no him, no courage. Haha...

Anyway, did it because my friend did so we do together. He did a dragon on his right arm (quite cool...) and I did one on my left arm, the other one? Shh... =P

Hope my dear would be happy seeing it.. Haha... Something to do with him.. ^^ (Am I romantic and sweet?)

Well, I just feel that it's crazy because my dear's so busy and I just know how to have fun...

CAnnot! tomorrow must go and help him.!

=?Enchanted?=

Crazy!!!!!

2009-01-09T02:12:00.000-08:00

No booth open today. Meeting customers at home only. Finally, I'm going to win this. ^^

This month 5000VP to go to Blake's retreat. I'm going to do it again. ^^
How? Plan's in the mind.

=?Enchanted?=

8/1/09

2009-01-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

Today very happy. Finally get to sms with my dear, meet him then hug him. This is one of the happiest day in my life. ^^

Really miss him so much. ^^

I cut my hair and now down to eyebrown and clothing. ^^

Love today. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

10 Best love sentences

2009-01-07T19:31:00.000-08:00

1 ) I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
我爱你，不是因为你是一个怎样的人，而是因为我喜欢与你在一起时的感觉。

2 ) No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won‘t make you cry.
没有人值得你流泪，值得让你这么做的人不会让你哭泣。

3 ) The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can‘t have them.
失去某人，最糟糕的莫过于，他近在身旁，却犹如远在天边.

4 ) Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile
纵然伤心，也不要愁眉不展，因为你不知是谁会爱上你的笑容。

5 ) To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
对于世界而言，你是一个人；但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。

6 ) Don‘t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn‘t willing to waste their time on you.
不要为那些不愿在你身上花费时间的人而浪费你的时间。

7 ) Just because someone doesn‘t love you the way you want them to, doesn‘t mean they don‘t love you with all they have.
爱你的人如果没有按你所希望的方式来爱你，那并不代表他们没有全心全意地爱你。

8 ) Don‘t try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。

9 ) Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
在遇到梦中人之前，上天也许会安排我们先遇到别的人；在我们终于遇见心仪的人时，便应当心存感激。

10 ) Don‘t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。

I took it from Chen Hong's blog again... ^^

This is touching..

2009-01-07T19:28:00.000-08:00

If this doesn’t touch you… you’re heartless.

One night a guy & a girl were

driving home from the movies.

….

The boy sensed there was

something wrong because of the painful

silence they shared between them.

The girl then asked the boy to pull over

because she wanted to talk.

She told him that her

feelings had changed & that it was time to move on

A silent tear slid down his cheek as he

slowly reached into his pocket & passed her a folded note

At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down

that very same street.

He swerved right into the drivers seat,

killing the boy.Miraculously, the girl survived.

….

Remembering the note, she

pulled it out & read it , it said

“Without your love, I would die.”

I took it from Chen Hong's blog... ^^

7/1/09(2)

2009-01-07T07:18:00.000-08:00

Today I finally understand why there's misunderstanding. It's because people don't talk much and every time we does, we either said the wrong thing, heard the wrong thing or thought the wrong thing was the right thing.

In dictionary, misunderstanding means "misinterpret, misjudge, misread, misconstrue".

Oh my God! Misunderstanding is a great knowledge. Do you know why? I've got into a bad relationship with my family because of misunderstanding and now it's starting to reveal... My family's better to me and thanks to my dear, he always supported me. ^^

I think it's time, us family, talk.

Do you know what's the best way to solve a misunderstanding? TALK!!

However, before that, everyone have to sit down and write down what they don't like about that person then what they like about that person. Tell you a true story.

Last 2 weeks, I told my dear that I want to break up with him and we did. But the very next day, I regretted. I thought in my mind, why I loved him and why I don't now. Then I realized that I was very childish and my dear was very patient with me. He kept telling me but I didn't listen.

Last week, he asked for a breakup. Then I don't understand why. I asked him to write down the what he love about me and what he don't love about me. I don't know if he wrote them down but I did. Again, I realized how bad, harsh and childish I was. That's why he wanted to breakup with me. I realized that I didn't show appreciation towards what he did for me and kept dragging him down. I know it's my fault so I try sms him.

Then I realized there were alot of misunderstandings... Now, it's better. ^^

Communication is equal to no misunderstanding.

However, love stands it all.

Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

7/1/09

2009-01-06T20:28:00.000-08:00

Hehe... Today I won 10,000 NP! From Wheel of Excitement! Now I am Excited. ^^

Oh ya, I've got alot of things going on in MIND. I wanna go and learn dancing, cut my hair, trim eye brown, change style.. Wah... so expensive oh.. But never mind, if I can keep my dear's heart, ok oh... Haha... ^^

Have a nice day. GO GO GO!!!

=?Enchanted?=

6/1/09(2)

2009-01-06T06:18:00.000-08:00

I'm so happy. My dear replied my message. ^^ Quite short but it's okay. It's already a great start. ^^ Go! Su Ling! ^^

=?Enchanted?=

6/1/09 (1)

2009-01-06T02:37:00.000-08:00

Haiyo, don't know ah... Today never go booth! Not that I'm lazy, it's because I've been cleaning the house alone since morning. Wash the clothes, hang the clothes, fold the clothes, sweep and mop the whole house and clean the lights and fan... Till now still not very clean yet..... Haiz..

Today, my dear still never reply my message. Most probably because he's very busy. It's school reopen and it's going to be CNY, he must be really busy. This scene reminds me of how those previous guys were planning to dump me and never tell me the reason. Just that the difference, I really love my dear and definitely more than I love them. Other than that, he gave me a chance by telling me he wanna chill first.

I slept at 6am and woke up at 11am to clean the house. Now, I'm so tired. Really hope that my dear would suddenly call and talk. I think I'll be crazily happy. Haha. And I'll be energetic again. ^^

I slept at 6am because I was writing what I love and don't love my dear. Then it end up, I definitely love him more that I don't love him. But overall about why I not love him because he don't have enough of self-confidence and confidence towards me. However, the reason I love him is already 3 times more than why I don't love him. I hope he knows...

=?Enchanted?=

5/1/09 (2)

2009-01-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

Today never go and open booth. I don't know why. I got everything prepared but no "spirit" at all. I woke up at 11am but didn't go. Anyway, I'm going tomorrow.

Today, I kept holding the phone and didn't know if I should sms or call my dear. He told me he want to chill down and stop sms him yesterday then after that of course better but I'm shy to sms him because I scared he'll get angry. I don't want him to be angry with me anymore. There has been alot of misunderstandings between us. I hope it'll be better in time.

Tomorrow, mom's friends are coming to stay in my house. Later gotta clean the house. Have a list of work to do... Wanna show I really want to live with my family. ^^

I hope that my dear understand that I want to spend more time with him and his family together. I was not angry nor sad. Maybe our time spent together's not much so he didn't understand me but I have faith that we just need more time.

I was wrong for not listening to him. I was wrong for not being able to understand him enough in such a short time and I was wrong for not letting him understand, how much I want him with me. But the biggest mistake I've made was to say break up, one week ago. It really heated things up. He thought I was like his ex.

The last thing I want to be was like his ex. I've really tried my best so that he won't think that I was like his ex but I failed. He still think so. Although I was very hurt when I found out that he was thinking like that but it must be something I do that made him thought so.

I hope he can understand, how much I want to spend my life with him, have a family with him. Of course, I understand what we need to go through and how can things go by not easy for us. I hope that he won't give up on our relationship. I just pray for that.

I don't know what will happen if he really wants to end it. I don't know what to do. I really love him. He want me to let him go. Just like when I asked him to let me go, I think we are now equally hurt. I've been hurting him so much and I didn't realise how bad I was.

I am a bad person. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me and give me a chance to change. I need to be a better person. Although you don't wish to change me because I am who I am but don't you wish that I can be someone better and we can do it together?

Please give me some faith that you do believe it too, even if it's just a little. Please.

=?Enchanted?=

5/1/09

2009-01-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

Today's the 2nd day of the month, 7 days to EOM for VIP qualifying...

Today's a crazy day. Down, really down, sad, ok-ok, happy then super happy. Everything happened in 12 hours. Crazy day.

Today I broke 3 things!

FIRST I broke my glasses. Now I'm on with contact lenses. Yay! First step to changing style... (Already got my personal stylist. haha ^^) Later need to cut hair, buy clothes, shoes, etc.

Money don't come easy!!!! Everything's money money money. Contact lenses RM142; Spectacles RM349. Total Rm491!!! That's what I get from a new Success Builder!!

SECOND I broke my heart. MONEY flew away!!!

THIRD I broke my leg.. Erm, nearly! It was so embarassing.. I was laughing while it was aching... haha... It was funny though... Haha...

Overall, today happy because at last he gave me a hope. ^^ I'm so happy. Promise I'll be a good girl but a pretty one. Haha..

All guys out there, I'm not available!!! =P

=?Enchanted?=

4/1/09

2009-01-03T19:30:00.000-08:00

I slept in my friend's place, we talked until 6am only we agreed to sleep. We've talked so much. First, realizing that we have same thoughts and that we agree on same things. Other than that, we have an alike boyfriend, a typical Chinese.

I don't know why, I don't feel easy at all. This 2 days, I had a nightmare. The previous night, I dream of my dear, driving his car away from me and leave me. Yesterday, I just feel so insecure.

I wander in the streets, last night, didn't have anywhere to go. It was a Saturday and I was hoping that I might accidentally meet my dear in town. I was in Jonker, had a little walk and was then in McD. Michelle called and came over to look for me. Because I told them, I don't know what I'm doing, I've been walking to nowhere, wishing my dear would see me.

How stupid I was. I was thick face enough to message him without any reply and still message. I really love him so I don't want to burden his life. If he feels that I burden his life, I'll leave then. However, he just asked to be alone for sometime. I don't know how long it'll take him and what will happen at the end, I really don't know.

Mr R asked me, "what happened between you and Mr J?" "How's things going on?" "Su Ling, What if Mr J decided he don't want to be with you anymore?"

I doubtlessly said, "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know." Then I cried and said, "Mr R, I really don't know what to do.I really love him and I know he's good."

Everyone told me to leave him because he's using our love, he's using me, he just want to let go his desire. Hey, cut it off!

I've made up my mind, no matter he decide to stay or leave, I can do nothing.

In this life, we're meant to be matched to 20,000 people at this very moment. However, we would only spend our life with 1. It just depend on who you meet first and who built the relationship and the fate. Love has no wrong because it's a feeling.

We don't know who we'll be together in our lives. However, when the first guy come, and you didn't appreciate him, start to love him thus build a relationship and have enough of fate, it'll be gone.

No one can love each other at the first sight, it about building the relationship slowly up the stairs and have the faith that you're fated thus appreaciate it. In a relationship, nothing work one way. However, being human, we're more likely to be not perfect and start doing mistakes. Then, it's the time, love take place to see how strong can this relationship last.

I don't know if my relationship can last through this test but I know is that I've chosen. It's either him or single till the end. *peace*

=?Enchanted?=

3/1/09

2009-01-03T03:34:00.000-08:00

I really don't know how to describe my current feelings. When I read the message he sent yesterday, I really wanted to cry but I couldn't. All my family members were here and it was DEC 08 EOM, I was working my A_ _ off. I would be seeing alot of my distributors, customers and friends so NO.

Although I read the message only twice, it's already copied into my mind. It's said that since the first time I asked for a break up, his feelings towards me have become cold. It's not sad that I'm feeling, I'm feeling cut into slices and pieces, not just the word PAIN can describe. Why did I call for a break up if I really love him that much? I was dreaming he would at least tell me something he feels but he just said, "ok".

I don't want the feelings to fade, please. I promise I will change but please give me time.

What am I looking for? What am I searching for? All this while, I tell myself, never fall for anyone especially a chinese guy (I had chinese phobia, means I'll feel uneasy being out with chinese or near to one. Sometimes, I'll not know what I'm doing.), but I did. When I did the mistake I thought I shouldn't be doing, I found how attracting he was to me and I decided to try my best to accept his everything though most of the time, things were tough to me.

I don't know how to communicate with chinese, be in their lives, go through their rituals and of course learn to be one. To me chinese are scary, Bahais excluded. I'm not trying to be racist here but please understand where I was and why I had this. I had told no one about this and it've been causing alot of misunderstanding. I'm saying it here in case something happens to me, someone will say something. (It's safe to put datas like this on the internet because it'll never get erased, no matter how many years later..)

He told me he wants to be alone. Is it because he don't want to be with me anymore? I really don't know what to say, everything I say, seems to be something that will cause more misunderstanding. All I know is that I love him from the heart, solely. Never in my life, I have this feeling for anyone, no one.

I know why I love him and I hope he knows why he loved me too. If his love couldn't be bigger than what he's coming through, lets just decide what to do together.

It's been really hard for me to write this post till here. I just can't help thinking of the messages he sent yesterday and it can't stop my tears. Now I understand why one would die for love, it's really the greatest power of the universe.

I hope God will hear my prayers.

Lord I've come to you
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace
That I've found in you

Lord I've come to know
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
With the power of your love

And hold me close
Let your love surround me
And Bring me near
Draw me to your side

And as I wake
I rise up like the eagle
and I will soar with you
Your spirit leads me on, with the power of your Love.

The above was a song taught to me about 2 years ago. When I sang this song, I hoped for love. I thought it came but it's fading away.

Please don't go away...

=?Enchanted?=

25/12/08

2008-12-25T08:43:00.000-08:00

Today is Christmas. Merry Christmas.

However, it appears to be my saddest Christmas in life. I wish for something I never get. Last year, during fireworks, I wished that I would have a husband beside me for Christmas even if it's just walking. This year, I do have one but not beside me. I saw him for 15 minutes. After this I'm going to leave Melaka for 3 days.

Today, I told him I wanted to see him as I'm leaving tomorrow. He said, "I've got friends coming from Singapore, I'll see later." My heart really crushed. I feel really sad. It was because I really wanted to see him.

I'm really afraid things might happen and that I can't get to him when I need him. Sometimes, I just feel like chopping this relationship off. Whenever you feel that you need him, he'll say he have something on. How can I depend on someone that put me at the 2nd place? Like I say, he's everything I've got.

Things between us have been really bad. I want to talk but I want him to learn to take the initiative to start the conversation. Today, I really hate myself. I don't know what I want and what I can do. I feel terribly sad.

I thought my family would like me joining the steamboat but I don't feel it at all. Every time we finally have a chance to get into a same small room, I would start hearing my mom say, "mothers pregnant kids and raised them up but once they grow up, they don't listen.. " Every time, I hear that, I'll cry because it's like it's all my fault that mom's not happy. I feel terrible.

A lot of people ask me, are you your mom's child? I really don't know what to answer because I've got no answer to it. I need someone to talk to, please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...

=?Enchanted?=

21/12/08

2008-12-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

Dear, now I feel really guilty...

Now is 2.31am and I AM STILL AWAKE!!! I know I should be sleeping now because I should be awake in 3 and a half hour but frankly, not a time I can manage to sleep if it's a day before STS. To me, it's like my wedding day.. HAHA ^^

Dear, another thing I feel really guilty is that some times (okay, it was most of the time, now no more, promised! no more!!!), I feel like leaving you because you seems to not care about me but today when you wake me up. I could really feel your gentleness, love and care. (That's why I'm pleading for no guilt from you!!! Sorry ah...)

Dear, today, you're so cute... I know I tend to be very tough at times to you but it is definitely guaranteed that it's because I want to spend more time with you... (Including the supper oh... I can't eat anymore but I just want to spend some time with you... Miss you very much because you always busy since Chinese New Year is near...)

Dear, I love you... I really don't know what to say...

Tell you one thing for sure, I don't think I will go overseas to study alone because tonight I can't sleep is due to being scared, left alone at home... you ask me not to think so much but when I want to sleep, a lot of sound appear.... HELP!!!!

How can I live[leave?] without you? I want to know.

Will you marry me after I complete our covenant? Afford my own things... Promise?

=?Enchanted?=

No excuse to be successful.

2008-12-17T10:38:00.000-08:00

In our life, we often run into similar situation.

When we ponder into things that we don’t want to do, we often tell ourselves "No time".

When we saw and heard about other people successful stories, relate back about our lack of achievement, we will always find reason to console ourselves "they are just lucky, I am not".

If we want to do something bad enough, we will do it, and do it very well too.

You can either control your mind or let your mind control you.

Things that you love, you always have the time for it.

Every successful person knows exactly what he desired, they know where to search for it, find no excuses, wholeheartedly focus on pursuing it "NO excuses for yourself", for they know whatever they focus is where they go.

A simple sentence, yet is the key to the path of success.

If you are lousy at something, find your weakness, work hard to change it and never look for excuses.

pick from one's blog:
=?Enchanted?=

17/12/2008

2008-12-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

Today, I watch the drama "moonlight resonance". It's really a touching drama and also irritating. Many might think that it's just a drama but I can tell you with absolute sincerity, this happen in a real life, to my own family. (grandma's family, actually.)

Other than that, the special thing today is that I woke up at 10am and was receiving phone calls. Today, I wanted to talk to dear but he never picks up my call, only reply my sms... *sob sob*

At night, I closed the booth at 10pm then watched a movie entitled "Volcano", which I watched when I was 9, or even younger. I remember it so well because I was so sleepy when I was watching that movie but in order to watch everything, I forced myself to open my eyes. I even set the timer so that the tv will automatically shut down by itself when the movie is over.. Haha..

After the movie ended, it was 11.30pm, I pulled my 20kg bag, carry my 2litre Herbalife bottle with a box hugged and walk back home, rested for 10 minutes then walk out to get the table and chair. I was really scared so I tried to call my dear but he didn't answer the phone then I called another friend, he didn't answer so I called one and my distributor and we talk. When I was back at the shop again, it's already 12am. We talked on the phone until 12.30am then I left with the help of 2 boys carrying my table and chairs. No doubt that I am really tired.

I swear, this type of life without a car would not be long. Now I understand, having a boyfriend is nothing to do with having a better life or a different life because it doesn't make a difference at all when you feel that you're like his sister, when you're not kissing.

What does it mean?

=?Enchanted?=

Dear...

2008-12-13T04:28:00.000-08:00

Dear, do you know how I'm feeling right now? I feel really terrible.

It's either I sucks as a girlfriend or we both just don't match.

Are we at the progressing level or decreasing level? It feels like we're always too busy to spend time together lately.

However, I understand that you need to earn an income. I just hope what I'm doing is correct.

I feel like breaking up as it feels better not needing to worry about us. The reason is not because I don't love you anymore but because I'm feeling really lonely and insecure at times. It makes me feel really useless.

I'm still very afraid to be in your family because I'm not familiar with them and unfortunately, till now, I was never reassured by you, how I did doing our first meeting. Secondly, lately, you scold me more than you care, it really make me doubt if I should prolong this relationship.

Dear, is it that our time have come to an end? It's like it's so hard for me to talk to you. You never seem to have time for me to talk. How can I even try to talk to you when you don't give me a chance?

I never open the booth for few days because I feel like I've lost myself. It's like I'm turning into someone materialistic and that is the last thing in the world I want to be related to. I don't know what should I do instead of writing here.

I hope you'll have time to read this..

=?Enchanted?=

When it feels like breaking...

2008-12-13T01:40:00.000-08:00

When couples wait too long to ask for help, the relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the better chance there is of recovering, saving and actually strengthening the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other types of betrayal.

The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is lost.

The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is lost. At a certain point we don't even want change... we just want to be done.

The seven warning signs that a relationship is in trouble are:

1. Fighting has become the rule rather than the exception to the rule.

2. You find yourself looking outside the relationship for comfort, care, and understanding.

3. You can't remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place.

4. There is little or no intimacy in your relationship -- sleeping in different rooms or different beds, lack of interest, anger, and hostility so that intimacy is out of the question.

5. Spending very little time together, friends seem to be more important than your partner.

6. Reactions to situations are disproportionate to the content of the disagreement (i.e., feeling your partner doesn't love you because she/he didn't like the meal you cooked).

7. Feeling helpless and hopeless to change anything. Feeling done with the relationship, but unclear as to where to go and what to do. Feelings of anger, resentment, pain, and desperation are predominant.

If any or all of these describe you in your relationship, your relationship is in trouble and it won't be long before something more drastic happens, such as an affair, arguments get worse and inflate with intensity, increased jealousy, silence for longer periods of time, and sometimes even physical and/or verbal abuse.

Seriously, that's all the above I'm feeling above... Is it a good sign to be able to know it, or not?

=?Enchanted?=

Lately

2008-12-12T11:17:00.000-08:00

I've been really lost lately, thinking how of to fix things.

Do you know how it feels to be having a rich friend and always worry about being seen as a materialistic girl? I do.

I really don't know how to live a normal life now. I want to help everyone in my life to achieve a better life (both $$ & health, including losing and gaining weight!!) but I don't know why it just seems so hard to fulfill because everyone just think that you would want to cheat their money and make them buy something.

What should I do to let them understand that I really want to help someone?

Please please... Can anyone give me an answer?

Continued..

2008-10-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

I've found someone I could depend on, I guess. At least I really do.

Although we don't have much in common but it's first time in my life, I think of crap. It's not that I'm saying he's not good. Just that he let me see the true me. Unlike other guys, they just say, "you sucks, break up!" Then the next thing I knew, we broke up and I was dumped.

The worst thing about a relationship is not about being dumped but it's about the progress in the relationship. To me, the relationship I always wanted was the type of relationship that was natural. I 'm really grateful that God had sent him to me. Never I thought that he would come in that way.

He came the way I pleaded for him to come. Just as patient as I wished. I know my cruel, stupid and idiotic moves drives him crazy but I just enjoy seeing him crazy over me, at the same time still love me. I know he won't leave me because he loves me as much.

Many times in life, I wonder if I can really stick to someone like how I stick to him but he's rather different. Even though he is one of his kind, he can just get my heart easily. A single laugh or cry would just go through my heart. I enjoy seeing his smiles because they are the wonders of the world.

Sometimes, the naughty me would try everything just to see him let go his temper but I just want to get a chance to make you feel relieved when I call you "Hubbie". You do know right, how much I love you?

Sometimes, even though I write something that hurts you the most in the world by questioning you but it would never hurt you more than it hurts me because I know that I'm hurting you badly. I just want to let you know that no matter how thing hurts, we have to face it and you've got me to face it with you. ^^

Sometimes, I make you wait. I love knowing you'll wait, like you're always mine and only mine. I see those eyes my neighbours have on you, those envious eyes because they know I've got you, the best person in the world for me.

Sometimes, I refuse to bathe even when I know that we're rushing for time and it's a very important appointment. You'll get even nervous than me. The reason I'm doing this is to be able to see the nervous and caring face God had prepared for me...

Sometimes, I maybe talking too much even if it's the middle of the night but I just don't want to hang up so that I can spend more time with you even though I thoroughly understand that it's bad for our healths and our career. You just make me can't stand the separation, you know?

Sometimes, when you refuse to talk to me because I refused to talk to you first. It really hurts but I tell myself that I can't cry because you'll be blaming yourself and feeling really sad. I understand my moodiness but what can I do when I face you? You're just different.

When I lay in your arm, I know you'll protect me.

When I hold your hand, I know you won't let me go.

When I see your eyes, I see only me.

When I make fun of you, I see your contented, fooled smile which is rather cute.

When I pay for you, I know you're sad because you wanted to be the gentleman but poor you, as I want to be a lady too.

When I cry in your arms, I know it's you that will comfort me even though it's very funny when I wonder what you were trying to do.

When we have a big fight, though it's not even more than 1 minute, I can't stand it because you'll cry like a baby. I love it the most when it ends, you'll hug me so tightly like you're afraid I'll speed like a road runner.

You are really cute when you send those messages thinking that I would be really sad and blaming myself because my family left for a trip without me. You are really caring as you are and I thank God for giving me you. I love you. ^^

Dear, I really hope you ACCIDENTALLY read it...

=?Enchanted?=

In HFL means no friends out of HFL?

2008-08-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

Today, I was asked if I was lying that my friend gone back to Penang. Yes he is back at his home. The funniest thing is that, when I was asked, I was on the phone with him. It's a crazy, sarcastic fact but what can I do with it? It's the fact.

Someone asked me, "did you realize that you have only Herbalife friends?"
I said, "NO!" It's because it's not true. I have lots of friends who're not in HErbalife.

"Do you talk to all of your friends about HErbalife?"
"Well YES! When they ask." after all, being a Herbalife distributor is just about getting yourself sharing about one of the best thing on earth with your loved ones. Just that it's a job and I get paid for it. PAid for talking, not bad. After all, I love talking. ^^

Does all my friends have to be in HErbalife to be my friends? No. I just want to share it with them. Of course I hope they are in Herbalife but if they don't want to, I can do nothing.

We're decision makers not dogs.
We don't obey to orders but listen to our hearts.
WE're teacheable and enthusiatic learners, not just a crap leader.
We're just doing what we know could contribute to help making the world a better place.

Hold on. That's the point. Making the world a better place, isn't it what BAHAIs are promoting. Does it mean that all Bahais need to be doing HErbalife? Not neccessarily but we may.

Being a Bahai, it doesn't mean that we're simply the best. We still need to be teacheable and willing to learn. Being a Bahai is simple and Herbalife is just my job.

I don't know why people like to take Herbalife so personally and didn't disclose the reason of being simply what they DECLARED to be LOGICAL?!

To be logic here, it's just a job like I'm in KFC. Don't get it?

Email: suling239@yahoo.com
Tel(Mobile-Malaysia):+60146366145

=?Enchanted?=

Unity & Me

2008-08-11T23:12:00.000-07:00

I'm a Bahai, am I? I don't understand what do I need to do. 2 months as a resource person, I learned more about being a Bahai and doing what we should. It's about being and doing, right?

What does it take to be a Bahai? First, you agree that Baha'u'llah is the Manifestation of Today; Second, you live according to the Bahai teachings, live up to the virtues and spirituality.

Everyone has their own lives. Do you agree?

I have to live my life. I wanna further my studies but I can't as I don't have money and I want to study. Do I have another choice?

Sometimes, I'm just so push down. I don't know what can I do and what should I do. Questions to pull myself down again? No, it is to bring me up.

Sometimes, writing things I feel in the blog, would cause people result in thinking this and that, talking that and this. No one seems to understand me. I just feel like hiding anywhere but stay here.

I may seems to be egocentric as you said but I am who I am. I don't need a lecture, for God's sake. I need no problems but a solution. If you're not going to give me a solution, stay out of my way. My problems are enough.

I may seems not to be teaching in the path but I feel that I am. My thoughts may somehow be affected by people's. However, if it's good, it's ok, right?

I was scolded for trying to drag someone into the Herbalife business which he IS already in. One thing I wanna make it clear, I'm and I will do only what I am supposed to be doing. Get it?

We always talk about entry by troops but what can we do if we don't move it? How do you move it?

What's so good about Herbalife? When you win a heart, will it still be the same? I don't get it!

Look here, I've got my life and my thoughts. I may seems to be egocentric, hot-headed or whatever you say but I know what I want to do.

Please investigate before you open that damn stupid mouth.

Regarding Bahai Faith, go to www.bahai.org
Regarding my work in Herbalife, go to www.herbalife.com
Regarding me, email to suling239@yahoo.com
Regarding contacting me, call 0146366145.

=?Enchanted?=

Weird Princess 3

2008-05-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

Weird Princess left fo the dungeon across the valley as her fairy mother told her to. She was told to search for an opportunity to search for her dream.

In the middle of the journey, she came by Independ Prince who was the best friend of Cool Prince whereby she spent a few days with him happily. However, the journey have to be continued as the destiny has been decided.

Weird Princess were to accomplished the mission set by the fairy mother which she were given only the last 4 days to reach. She've got no choice but to take care of the mission thus leave the IndependPrince.

No one knew if she was destined to meet Independ Prince but she knew if it's fated, it's fate.

She could only concentrate on her mission as it was a difficult task. Let's pray for her!

=?Enchanted?=

Weird Princess 2

2008-05-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

Today, Weird Princess was hurt by the little princess. Little Princess, namely, "Piggy Princess" were actually the closest to Weird Princess.

Weird Princess were made a betrayer by Piggy Princess. She was called to be a betrayer for not listening to Queen Lotus, their mother.

Queen Lotus were against Weird Princess's decision to be independent as she didn't do it the queen's way. It was an unfair issue as there were never a chance to defend nor consult for.

Neither the first nor second princess, namely, "Fatty Princess" and "Darken Princess", supported her nor encouraged her.

Weird Princess were questioned about her decision to not to obey their mother and was said to be a traitor. However, never one considered what she had done to let them understand what she was up to.

"Will they know?", that's always the question that comes to mind when she decides to do something.

"Will they agree and support me starting from today?", that's always the question that pop up when she knows that she's doing another correct thing to make the world a better place.

"Why is everyone's world getting better but mine?", that's always the no answer question.

Life, is it really meant to be like that?

When would the prince come to save the enchanted Weird Princess from her palace? Is there someone to be her guard for the rest of her life? Would that person support her like she wanted?

(to be continued...)

=?Enchanted?=

Weird Princess 1

2008-05-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

"Damn it!", of course she understood that this is not a good and polite phrase but she just felt like screaming it out of her heart!

Always bearing someone in the mind, she knew it sounded normal but if every time, you're bearing a different person, it's kinda weird.

Well, what's the same and different issue? The same issue is that thinking of someone all the time and the difference is that she thought of the same person most of the times.

She gone through his photos earlier, causing her to feel that she would never be able to get to him, to far, it seems. He always makes her felt that he wants her but he seems to don't like her or love her just as much, it's the uncertainty that's causing the heart to be confused at times.

Looking through his photos, she saw his happiness and joyfulness. Probably, all he needed was just to have fun with her and always bearing a princess to be after a prince like him.

"Was a princess played off by a prince?", that's always the question in mind.

Having intruders in her heart, all she could do is to work more and to make sure that she could do everything else better and get herself more busy with tasks- getting him out of the shadow.

(to be continued...)

=?Enchanted?=

The True Happiness...

2008-04-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

Few years ago, I always thought that I would really need a relationship...

Lately, I realized that I was wrong, after 15 relationships which was also an uncertain number...

Being able to show people love rather than to be loved is really something better.
Being worried over other people rather than being worried of is really better.
Being helpful and could really help now is better than everything.
Being unsuccessful and now given to chance to be successful is the best thing of all.

^_^

=?Enchanted?=

Hearts..

2008-04-20T00:02:00.000-07:00

You know, I really thought that things would be easy if I just don't think too much. I see people and respect them but as I grow, I learned that being a pure Bahai isn't just what I'm meant for. I'm meant to be a wise Bahai and I'm not entitled yet.

To be able to look at different kinds of people and to know what to be done to deal with them is what I want. I hope that I can really cope up to it soon.

Looking at people you once really respect and listen but later found out that they were just people who wants to put your life into more trouble, you'll really doubt whether to thank them or scold them. Frankly, I want to thank them for helping me to grow and see more.

You get what I mean? Heart is the hardest thing to deal on earth and once you hurt it, it's a no return but if I could? It means, I am someone whom is willing to change for the better? I don't know, I feel so. Haha.. ^^

Deal with the irresistible and you'll learn to be the irresistible. Cool? Be happy.

=?Enchanted?=

Helping others...

2008-04-19T04:26:00.000-07:00

What does "direct sales" means? To me, it's not to sell and to earn for once, it's the service you provide the people you see. Do you get what I mean?

Herbalife, what differs it from other brand? It's branded in food nutrition. However, it could not be sold in Hypermarket or supermarket as we need coaches to coach people to eat the food. The coaches are what we call "salesperson".

Yes, we can say that it's a direct selling company but the difference is that the products could really help people.

All the direct selling companies out there, can you guarantee people's health with a 30 days moneyback guarantee? Herbalife can.

I've helped people who're willing to help themselves. People on wheel chair for 5 years due to stroke, being able to walk after taking the products for not even a month; people with menstruation problem, having on and off problem, recovered completely; people with years of suffering from migraine and gastric problems like me, have abandoned the problems and is now very happy as it really helped.

Why Herbalife helped? It gives us the balanced nutrition.

Why balanced nutrition helps? We're sick and having all sicknesses as we're lack of certain nutrition.

Why suffer when there is something that can help you relieve?

You see, whenever I talk to people about health products, they'll get the concept of direct sales. I'm fine with it because health is yours and if I could be given the chance to help those who are willing to help, I'll be delighted.

Come on people, cherish your life and your health! Get a balanced nutrition!

=?Enchanted?=

Discouraged but keen!!!

2008-04-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

I really felt the discouragement when everyone trust me but my own family. However, when the thought of God and the face of the people who need my help comes, everything seems to be nothing.

I'm glad that I chose to be into Herbalife. It helped so many people I've known. People with stroke, getting better everytime I see him; people with financial and health problem, getting both equally improved; people with health problem, helping people with health problem after they're got the results.

Isn't it good for seeing everyone helping one another. Isn't the world supposed to be like that? I'm so happy. ^^

Let us all move the world and work hard! Make the world healthier with a tiny help and we'll succeed. Youths can move the world!!!!

=?Enchanted?=

Migraine...

2008-04-08T12:18:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to describe the pain of having migraine but I can tell you, the only thing that wakes me up from my sleep is migraine in the middle of the night after struggling to finally sleep. Migraine is really a torture. Herbalife nutrition helped to improve alot and I'm striving to have a more balance diet so that my migraine would be gone soon. Hope that I can bring Herbalife nutrition home and mom won't disagree.

=?Enchanted?=

Happy!!!! ^^

2008-03-31T10:42:00.000-07:00

Today, I feel very happy because I'm helping my friend and other people. The happiness is better than you could imagine... I'm just happy happy happy!!! Yeah!!!!

I just want my business to be of people with stories and happiness, nothing else is more important.

=?Enchanted?=

Confirmation

2008-03-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

I used to talk about confirmation and now I'm practicing it.

We could see confirmation as being stubborn or being disobedient; however, we could see it as being steadfast or determined in an issue.

Life is really cool as you're always given the freewill.

=?Enchanted?=

A Bahai?!

2008-03-29T03:28:00.000-07:00

Well, being a Bahai, we always talk about seeking for perfection but we forgotten that we're not perfect, at all. We can strive but sometimes, we just need to be imperfect. Seeking too much of perfection, it leads to stress and excessive pressure, like what I'm experiencing now.

Sometimes, something in this life, we can't just solve it the Bahai way. Sometimes, some people, we just can't treat them the way Bahais treat each other, being patient, warm, friendly and tolerate, isn't enough.

I will always tolerate but not this time. I have anger too, although I'm a Bahai. It's at the peak where it need to blow up.

Please don't try to control me and talk to me like I'm a child ok? How many times you want me to remind you, I'm 19? Not to ask you to treat me as an adult but please don't treat me as a kid, I'm no more a kid.

Where's my children class teacher, animator and my tutor when I need you? You've all become another person that played another role. I'm still waiting......

=?Enchanted?=

Exclaimation Mark!!!!!!

2008-03-27T23:16:00.000-07:00

Don't really know how to express myself. Keep telling myself, "it's ok." seems to be not enough.

People don't understand you, question you, wants you to answer questions which no matter what you answer, they can never get it. I was told, "different level of thinking caused it."

"Soon they'll understand, you have a bigger mind." Do I? Where?

"I understand how you feel, when I was in my home place, things were like that too. People don't understand what I meant but now I know that we are equal but what we choose make us who both of us are, today." That's what relieved me, at least someone knows and understands.

"You're really naive. That's impossible." How do we know what will happen if we never started?

"I told you this, I told you that, why you never listen?" Even detective and lawyers need evidence in their cases, where's yours? Experience could tell but when did you experience it? By hearing what people say and look at me as though I'm not your blood?

"You don't understand me." Just because we don't think alike, does it mean that I don't understand you? Maybe I understand you more than yourself.

"We are in a different dimension." That's what I said but what does dimension mean? It means the maturity gape that's causing us not to understand each other.

"When we were in love then we were in one dimension?" No, I tried to be in it but I found that I was losing myself. What's the point in loving you and I am not me anymore? Before we were together, you could tell me anything but after we were, nothing were told and all were well kept secrets. Does love need to be like that? How much I love you, I need to tell you?

"What is love?" Read my post last week entitled "Love". It seems to be deep for many people but for me, station of love for everyone should be the same. Why must we look at love and categorize our love? There's love and only love to be known.

"Why you like this? Why you like that?" Many times, we point our fingers at others but we didn't notice that 4 fingers were pointing at ourselves. I didn't say anything when you ask why as there were no need to explain if it would just end up as me having a bigger mind or should I say brain?

=?Enchanted?=

There is no such thing as Playboy!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-27T03:13:00.000-07:00

Translated from Lucas’s blog…

A bad man used to be a good man.

A good man becomes a bad man after many unwanted tragic.

What’s the definition of a good man?

What’s the definition of a bad man?

You’ll know, that man’s not bad at all.

Before ten, he knows nothing, end of story here.

When he’s 13 or 14, he starts to be interested with girls but he’s always far from them with the excuse of hating them. The true reason was he was scared of being laughed

When he’s 15, he heard adults talking about ROMEO that dumped his girlfriend and she committed suicide. He thinks that he’s very vicious, he told himself to love only A girl in his life.

When he’s 16, he falls in love with a girl but he never told her. He was as usual, playing soccer of the field. When she walks to the school gate, he’ll stand by the second floor window and watch her. Feel that she’s an angel.

When he’s 17, a girl falls in love with him but they were far apart. The girl wanted him to have only her in his heart and looking at other girls is considered betraying.

When he’s 18, he watched a MTV, he cried as was touched. He thought, if his girl lost her eyes, he’ll not be hesitated to give her his eyes so that she could see.

When he’s 19, it his exam year. He had to be away from the girl he had unrequited love, on a train to other school. He felt being farer to her, losing his mind. He thought he would not forget her and he’ll look for her when he succeeded in life.

When he’s 20, he heard a guy talking dirty jokes; he thinks that he disgusts him.

When he’ 21, her letter in reply told him that she had a boyfriend. He cried for a night.

When he’s 22, he proposed to a girl. She said, “You’re a good person but I’m still young”. He agreed that he’s a good person and told her, “it’s ok. I can wait for you.” I’ll not be a ROMEO, I’ll wait no matter how long it takes.

When he’s 23, he found out that the girl was committed to a good looking guy. He was miserable, he never knew that growing old would be that fast.

When he’s 24, he proposed to another girl. She said, “You’re a good person but I’m not suitable for you.” He was miserable, if he’s a good person why doesn’t she suite him?

When he’s 25, he proposed to another girl. Apparently, she accepted him. He started to strive for future. He bears in mind that happiness is temporary but as long as he strives, they’ll have a happy future. However, 6 months later, they broke up because another guy could make her laugh. She said, “You’re a good person, it’s my fault.”

At last! He understand what his problem is—he’s a good person!

When he’s 26, he started to post cool outfit and learn to attract girls with his words. Later, he had a girl friend. Although he treat he well but he know he don’t love her.

When he’s 27, he broke up with the girl. He told the girl, “ You’re a good girl, it’s my fault.”

When he’s 28, he experienced ‘one night stand’, he realized what others can do, he could do too.

When he’s 29, he learned to say dirty jokes and when the girls beside blush, he’ll feel entertained.

When he’s 30, he realized that he suddenly can tackle girls well but he don’t have the ability to love anymore.

Actually, every boy apparently wants to be a guy with only a girl in a life time.

Actually, every boy apparently doesn’t look at girls’ shape but their face.

Actually, every boy apparently doesn’t say dirty jokes initially.

Actually, every boy apparently desires to love one till the end.

But, no girls like such a guy. They think guys of such a type are childish, boring.

That’s why; guys start to change, to ROMEO type.

They learn to say kind words which are not from their hearts.

They learn to pretend being concern, learn to give girls adorning, learn to tackle them, and learn to handle love.

They might become ROMEO which the girls hate.

They could easily win the girls heart but take could be alone, smoking in the dark, crying at night.

When there’s love, there’s no girl.; when there’s girl, there’s no more love!

When man hears woman saying that there’s not a single good guy, they’ll not try to be a good man, they’ll just be contented.

When someone that seems to be not knowing about love

Maybe life’s boring maybe he’s not speaking sweet

Maybe nagging a lot Maybe not good looking

Maybe being stubborn in his love life

Towards man who are devastated in love

Please DO NOT hurt them

Please DO NOT complain that all the good guys are missing

Because you don’t appreciate them when they appear…

100 Things girls have to know about guys

2008-03-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28 You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been
in love and hurt, he won't be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me"

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and
he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them,they'll realize they're wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

100. If you love them, don't flirt or talk about other boys, they'll get devastated.

(Selected from a bulletin and edited)
=?Enchanted?=

The Perfect Boyfriend~~

2008-03-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

Every girl dreams that one day she will find a boy that does these things for her. Even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in someones life.

• give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.

• leave her cute text notes.

• kiss her in front of your friends.

• tell her she is gorgeous..

• look into her eyes when you talk to her.

• let her mess with your hair

• touch her hair.

• just walk around with her.

• "FORGiVE HER FOR HER MiSTAKES"

• look at her like she`s the only one you see.

• tickle her even when she says stop.

• hold her hand when you`re around your friends.

• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.

• let her fall asleep in your arms..

• get her mad, then kiss her.

• tease her and let her tease you back.

• stay up all night with her when she`s sick.

• watch her favorite movie with her.

• kiss her forehead.

• give her the world.

• write her letters.

• let her wear your clothes.

• when she`s sad, hang out with her.

• let her know she`s important.

• let her take all the photos she wants of you.

• kiss her in the pouring rain.

• when you fall in love with her, tell her.

• and when you tell her, love her like you've never loved someone before.

How cool if my boyfriend could do all the above. ^^
=?Enchanted?=

31 days

2008-03-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

It's been 31 days since I'm announced to be single and I don't feel happy at all. I feel like I'm the worst person on earth. Everybody question me but no one give me the solution when I don't have any answers to the questions. Life like this is really hectic. Confidence level running low, striking the ground. HELP!!!

Where's the prince in the cloud? Where is the love hiding? Where's the promises made? Was it after all, my fault?

Question me, condemn me; why not try to give me a smile and encourage me to move on? May I know where is the support?

Life is really hell when you're away from the person you love and the worst part is that you don't know for what reason thus there's no more stimulant for you to move on.

Tell me, how to carry on?
What's the meaning of life, moving on for others without a reason?

=?Enchanted?=

Enchanted Princess Tale of Birthday..

2008-03-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

Do you know that if it's your birthday, you are given 3 wishes and if the wishes were the sincere ones, they will all come true? As Bahais, we actually have a double birthday this year as it's 2008.

Princess tale of birthday is that the 3 wishes if were wished upon the princess and were requested, under any circumstances, princess will fulfill it for sure.

Princess have her own wishes too but the prince must strive to find out in order to fulfill it. Of course in 21th century, we talk about "consultation" but basically the wishes are still useful as there's something call the "mind-reading" ability which is because the connectivity of the two different souls. The connectivity is based on love.

Therefore, if you love someone, use action. Princess used to speak but act slow and she had to suffer being away from her loved one. In the name of love, please don't follow the steps of princess, she is enchanted because she caused it but trust me, princess is trying everything to improve the situation.

Fingers crossed,
prayers read,
all you here,
thank you were!

=?Enchanted?=

Re-reflection:

2008-03-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I've sent an email to the queen of my heart but there were no reply till now. I know I'm a girl that always do things in my way but who will want it to be that way? I really don't know what's going on in my life, I really sucks.

However bad I am, I'm trying to change the situation. I'm sorry that I can't explain to everyone about everything in my life but I'm really trying to improve it. Just pray for me so that it would be better ok?

Just wanna strive and be the best I could for everyone, give me a chance and time to change, please. Princess wanna have transformation!!!

=?Enchanted?=

Sense of Mission..

2008-03-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

What is sense of mission?

It means knowing what to do and to be accomplished in life.

Lately, I've lost my sense of mission because I lost the faith in me. What can Princess do when she lost her confidence?

Losing confidence in a person is like losing the sense of mission and the meaning of life because I don't know what else to do anymore, searching for something to do everyday.

Teaching the Cause using my money, is it not good? I just wanna serve people as I was served in school and sponsored for my studies. Just because I don't explain, does it mean that I'm insane?

I feel terribly tired.

=?Enchanted?=

Happy Birthday to you!!! (25/3/92)

2008-03-22T10:49:00.001-07:00

Seriously, I still remember when's your birthday but I don't know what should I do when I'm facing you because Princess is very lost lately. DAmn it!!

How does it feel being lost? For me, not knowing what decision to do when it happens and only got the conclusion that it's my fault. I'm really afraid to make decisions, can anyone just cure me or help me? What had happened to the Enchanted Princess?

I know it's my fault but how to identify and make a right decision? Can you tell me?

=?Enchanted?=

LOST~~

2008-03-19T08:59:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what should I do now, it seems that everything I've done is wrong because I'm really bad in doing things. Am I?

Why am I so lazy? Why?

Everything happened this way was because I am a creepy freak that is faking and forsaking is it? I can just say that I'm sorry but I'm really trying to improve myself.

This few days might be kinda lost so if I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing, please remind me. I apologize if I'm gonna do or had done anything that might or had caused inconveniences or hurt anyone; I might be 99% insane when I do so, please help me by telling me the truth.

=?Enchanted?=

Love

2008-03-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

"If I love you, I need not continually speak of my love-you will know without any words. "On the other hand if I love you not, that also will you know-and you would not believe me, were I to tell you in a thousand words, that I loved you." -Abdul Baha-

Love is not simply some abtract principle that one talks about. It is real and it is directed towards something or someone. And when love is a reality, when one truly loves another, a bond is created between the hearts through which noble feelings and lofty ideas can flow. One soul can uplift the other, and joy fills them both.

Mirza Abu'l Fadl, a Bahai teacher in whom Abdul Baha placed the greatest trust, once analyzed the concept of love for humanity in a talk given to a group of friends. He explained how easy it is for any one of us to sit comfortably in a house with a nice garden and say "I love humanity". But, according to Mirza Abu'l Fadl, love only becomes real when it is tested. Only when we have fought the battles of love and have time and again been wounded for the sake of love, can we utter the sentence "I love" with authority and assurance. So he said, a person who wants to create love within himself must test himself and see if he meets all the conditions of true love.

What are some of these conditions? Clearly they include sincerity and truthfulness, generosity and liberality, forgiveness and trustworthiness. You can readily see that these are necessary for love to exist. For what is insincere love but hypocrisy? What is the outcome of love when it is ruled by jealousy and control, and not by open-heartedness and generosity? What kind of love is associated with vengeace rather than forgiveness? How can anyone trust in our love, if we are not trustworthy?

You see, I've got this short essay for book 6 but I didn't know about the meaning of love and why I was determined to confirm my feelings until I see this and understand.

Finally, I see what I was crying, why I was sad, why I was determined to carry on and be patient no matter how much time it takes thus it should be boundless, limitless.

"When you love a member of your family or a compatriot, let it be with a ray of Infinite Love! Let it be in God, and for God! Wherever you find the attributes of God love that person, whether he be your family or another. Shed the light of boundless love on every human being whom you meet......"
-Abdul Baha-

From here, I know, steadfastness and patience thus the wound was worth it because I can now say "I love" with authority and assurance. Life is really beautiful though it's full of tests. Smile because you're given the change to grow better. ^^

All the above was what I've learned in Ruhi book 6 yesterday. ^^

=?Enchanted?=

Take care who Loves you - nice

2008-03-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

(Taken from a bulletin)

girl and her father were crossing a bridge. Father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."

Little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl.

"If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

Any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. Hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...

This story is too short...... But carries a lot of Feelings....

Love 'em!!!!

2008-03-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

Today, I've got a super duper strong instinct that I should come back to Melaka so I hop on a bus and came.

First of all, my "sayangs" really missed me very much and nearly gone crazy when they see me.. Screaming their throat out... Haha... (Seriously, cute... ^_^)

Secondly, the dance was re-choreographed!! Luckily I came back, learned and tried my new costume... I've been dancing indian dance for 5 years, now switch to malay dance... haiz... quite weird...

Thirdly, my little god-daughter and her brother, came over to my house kept telling me stories about their lives this two days... Erm, actually I've just seen them 36 hours ago but they appear to be going through alot... A 2-year-old and a 3-year-old sat by my side, telling me stories in turn as though they were my kids then was shivering of fear and asking for protection....

Finally, I came to knew that they were frighten by their mentor that kept telling them that a police will catch them if they don't sleep. Basically, in their mind, they bore the mindset that when there's darkness, there's police that catches kids that don't sleep...

Well, I just wanna say a thing.

For parents that come across my blog, I hope that when you educate your kids, you'll explain to them the reason of you wanting them to do each thing, lovingly. You may put them on your legs, hug them, tell them you love them, kiss them then tell them the reason you want them to do what you wish. They'll understand and they'll grow matured early.

Although I'm just 19 but I've been through life for years. For me, a day is like a year as every single minute, I'm striving to be someone better so that I can educate my kids in the future and help as many people as I can.

I'm actually a person that really wanna help people but to many, I appear to be over-dominion. I just like to take care of people, maybe over-protected... Haiz... Forgetten about that...

Hope that I'll improve myself soon.

God Bless everyone...

=?Enchanted?=

Reflections?!

2008-03-12T01:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I did my book one for the Fifth time today... Every time, I'll just learn something newer and later.. Today, I've learn about admitting my mistakes and being truthful to myself.

I understand how much I lied to myself till last year, when I started to serve. I strive to be a true Bahai, living in accordance to the Bahai Standard. People thought I was a freak and it's ok because we see things different level. Other than that, it's like everything is just meant to be the way it had been because I choose it to be.

Today, I've decided to be just friends with him; if that's what he wanted. We should show loving kindness to all who may cross our path and he is one of them. Why can't we be just friends? People always say it and it's easy to say.

It's definitely hard to let deeds not words be our adorning but I'm striving for letting deeds to be my adorning. I hope I succeed.

I was really bad in loving someone, that's why my mist wasn't solved. I hope I can love everyone the same way and be who I am meant to me. If I do anything I'm not supposed to, please remind me and tell me. Thanks!!! ^^

=?Enchanted?=

Please unreaveal my mist...

2008-03-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

WHat does it take to know what he thinks? He really think that he's holding me back?

I feel really insecure, like someone is plotting something against me but I'm in the bright, that person in the dark. If there's anything, why can't we just spit it out?

STupid! I hate this feeling. I'm really a truth seeker, I'm afraid that this time, I'll tend to hurt someone, just to find the truth.

Choices are damn stupid because I'm at the road not taken.

Just feel like slapping myself to wake myself up from the dream.

I dreamed of him every night but that's just a dream.

I thought being a princess, people will take care of you but it seems that for Enchanted Princess, it's a never for protection, never for answers, never for love, never for much truth!!

I'm really enchanted but if you think you can break the spell, please don't give me white lie and promises because they'll just crush me harder. I hate being given hopes then were to be smashed and slashed. What's the purpose? Revenging for someone?

Hopeless for love, I hope for humanity being freed from poverty and hunger; I long ro helping people to gain and maintain physical and spiritual balance.

Just hope that, whatever I do, relationships will just fade away. SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING!!!!!

=?Enchanted?=

Confidence...

2008-03-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

Today, I came across myself and realized that I'm lacking of my confidence each day passes by... I don't know why. I'll feel less confidant when I am lack of answers to my questions.

Too many questions nowadays, too little answers. My weight's dropping, shape's gaining, I feel happy but I feel angry with myself as I just couldn't get those answers.

Why can't life be just simple and on the basics? It just need to be our heart in it.

I've put my heart, soul and life in, what about you?

=?Enchanted?=

What is "gifted"?

2008-03-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering why do I know so many things? Am I meant to be different from others or I'm just thinking too much? Why is people always saying that I'm talented and gifted?

I remember a very successful scientist saying that he wasn't a genius, he was just someone who worked really hard to be who he want and what he was meant to be. Sometimes, as a human, we always forget what we're meant for while some don't even know the reason.

Firstly, why were we created? Have you ever ponder about that in your day dreaming period? Well, I seems to have the correct answer but it's not from me, it's from the words of God. We are created to know God and to worship God. I may sound holy but it's true.

Back to the topic, what is "gifted"? Is it what we are created to do or what we strive to do? Wanna have a guess first?

It's actually how much you tend to strive. For me, I can sing well now not because I'm gifted but I strive to learn to empower singing skills. All who grew up with me knew how bad my singing was 2 years ago, it make people wanna run and hide but now?

Another good exampler is Akrit Singh, the seven year old genius. He's not a born genius. He's just focus on what he tend to do and deepen as much as he can, in his field of interest - medical.

Anyone could be a genius but it's up to how much we strive to be deepen in our field of interest. I'm always learning but I have high expectations on myself. I know I can do it. It's just a matter of time.

Now, I'm giving myself 1 and a half year to achieve my personal dream then proceed to my ambition.

Life is beautiful when we understand that we're like a never ending growing rose as our thorns and buds grow together as if our talents and difficulties.

Cherish your life while you can now and be happy because life is just it's meant to be and everyone is gifted and geniuses in a way. Strive till the end!!

May God Bless you always.

=?Enchanted?=

gaLz lanGuaGe

2008-03-04T16:11:00.000-08:00

(Extracted from my friend's bulletin)

When i dont call you
[ Its because im waiting for you tocall me ]

When i walk away from you mad
[ Follow me ]

When i stare at your mouth
[ Kiss me ]

When i push you or hit you
[ Grab me and dont let go ]

When i start cursing at you
[ Kiss me and tell me you love me]

When im quiet
[ Ask me whats wrong/Or mess with me. ]

When i ignore you
[ Give me your attention ]

When i pull away
[ Pull me back ]

When you see me at my worst
[ Tell me im beautiful ]

When you see me start crying
[ Hold me and tell me everything willbe alright ]

When you see me walking
[ Sneak up and hug my waist frombehind ]

When im scared
[ Protect me ]

When i lay my head on your shoulder
[ Tilt my head up and kiss me ]

When i tease you
[ Tease me back and make me laugh ]

When i dont answer for a long time
[ reassure me that everything is okay ]

When i look at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When i say that i like you
[ I really do more than you couldunderstand ]

When i grab at your hands
[ Hold mine and play with my fingers ]

When i bump into you
[ bump into me back and make me laugh ]

When i tell you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When i look at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until i do ]

When i miss you
[ im hurting inside ]

When you break my heart
[the pain never really goes away ]

When i say its over
[ i still want you to be mine ]

I hope that all guys can understand this!!! Pity the girls because we should be understanding each other!!! I hope it helps all in our relationships... ^^

=?Enchanted?=

Untitled thoughts

2008-03-04T15:08:00.000-08:00

I've been wondering for few days because I'm kinda lost. Prayers really helped me alot because I've been given the solution as of what to do and how to do. However, I'm still very scared to achieve my solution.

I've not been talking to him lately because we broke up but I realized that it was really stupid because I feel like a freak not talking. Today, I wanted to talk but I don't know how to talk because I feel more like a freak. It's terrible though.

Princess is a freak now!!! Hate it. I hope I can overcome my freaking attitude as soon as possible.....

Oh ya, guys, please don't try to be the 27 things I've wrote because it's really terrible as not many girls understand the 27 things and not all girls can accept it like I did. Please!!!!!!

=?Enchanted?=

Love

2008-03-02T21:12:00.000-08:00

I look up to the night sky
as I watch the moon rise
Waiting, and hoping, and wishing foryou
Stars shooting by, right past my eyes
and I can't help thinking of you

Needing you like a child to its mother
Needing only your love and not any other
Needing you with me all through thenight
Needing your comfort to make things alright

Needing you to wipe away my tears
Needing you to hold me, and take away my fears
Needing you to always be there for me
Needing your love to know that you care for me...

You are my life and my reason to live
You share your love, so willing to give
Needing you in my life throughout goodtimes and the bad
All the times to be shared happy and sad...
We both are so strong and our love will live on building and growing after time..

But as time goes by and the affection fade
You'll go your way and I'll go mine
The love was strong but now is fading
As we are never speaking

Who should we love anymore?
If love for human is to ask for more?
God will be the witness
As my love is for His sake

Should I be happy?
Should I be sad?
Should I be thanking?
Or should I just forsaking?

Honesty in Fasting Month!!!

2008-03-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

Today, I've talked to his uncle about me and him; just to be honest, not to be faking... I've realized that I've been searching for reasons and excuses, just to be noble but I'm not. Therefore, the more I tell the same person, the more mixed up I am. Finally, I decided to talk to his uncle about it and he said that he knows what's my problem... BUT because we were playing sms so have to call but then he was sleeping so he'll call me the next day.

What do I really want from him? I'm actually as confused as he is, not knowing if I love him or not anymore and I feel that I'm hiding from him all the while after he said that he wants to be just friends with me.

Now, I just wanna forget about him and let everything because I feel that, since I said that I respect his choice, I should never be too stubborn about it anymore, I give up.

I'll just try my best and be who I am and never seek for any excuses anymore.

Infatuation is what I call it.

Final Decision..

2008-02-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

There was an advertisement regarding a study exhibition to US. To me, it's very important because I tend to leave for US as soon as possible.

What can a girl do when she's saying that she loves a guy very much daily and he had never responded? The only idea that came to my mind was "he wanted me to leave him and I'll do so but I'll still love him forever."

I hope he'll understand my love and the moments I missed, spending with him.

=?Enchanted?=

3 days in segamat!!!!

2008-02-22T04:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, 2 declared in Segamat!!! It's a great news!

We're now having on going book 3 and yet to have book 1 on monday so it's cool~~ Other than that, we're yet to have Bahai Children Class and Junior Youth Gathering this weekend... I'm so happy...

Although I'm sick but I'm still happy and I miss him... Erm, don't wanna mention who...

God Bless me, I love you and you love me... =)

=?Enchanted?=

27 Things girls must remember about guys!!!!

2008-02-22T04:32:00.000-08:00

1.--Guys may be flirting around all daybut before they go to sleep, theyalways think about the girl they trulycare about.

2.--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

3.--Guys will do anything just to getyou to notice him

4.--Guys hate it when you talk aboutyour ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.

5.--Boyfriends need to be reassuredoften that they're still loved.

6.--Don't talk about your guy friendstoyour boyfriend.

7.--Guys get jealous easily.

8.--Guys are more emotional than they'dlike people to think.

9.--Giving a guy a hanging messagelike "You knowwhat?!..uh...nevermind.." would makehim jump to a conclusion that is farfrom what you are thinking. And he'llassume he did something wrong andhe'll obsess about it trying to figureit out.

10.--Guys are good flatterers whencourting but they usually stammer whenthey talk to a girl they really like.

11.--A usual act that proves that theguylikes you is when he teases you.

12.--Guys love you more than you lovethem if they are serious in yourrelationships.

13.--Guys think WAY too much. One smallthing a girl does, even if she doesn'tnotice it can make the guy think aboutit for hours, trying to figure outwhat it meant.

14.--Guys seek for advice from girlsnotother guys. Because most guys thinkalike, so if one guy's confused, thenwe're all confused.

15.--When a guy asks you to leave himalone, he's just actuallysaying, "Please come and listen to me."

16.--If a guy starts to talk seriously,listen to him. It doesn't happen thatoften, so when it does, you knowsomething's up.

17.--If your best guy friend seems toavoid you or is never around whenyou're with your boyfriend, he'sprobably jealous and likes you.

18.--When a guy tells you that you arebeautiful, don't say you aren't. Itmakes them want to stop telling youbecause they don't want you todisagree with them.

19--When a guy looks at you for longerthan a second, he's definitelythinking something.

20--Guys don't like girls who punchharder than they do.

21--A guy has more problems than youcansee with your naked eyes.

22--Don't be a snob. Guys can beintimidated and give up easily.

23--Guys talk about girls more thangirls talk about guys.

24--Guys hate rejection, but they hatebeing led on even more.

25--If you are going to reject a guy,just do it. Don't say they are like abrother or just good friends, it justhurts even more. Tell them that youaren't interested in a relationshipand they will respect you.

26--Guys really think that girls arestrange and have unpredictabledecisions and are MAD confusing butsomehow are drawn even more to them.

27--When a guy sacrifices his sleep andhealth just to be with you, he reallylikes you and wants to be with you asmuch as possible.

Segamat?!

2008-02-20T00:50:00.000-08:00

I don't really understand why I felt that Segamat was not the place meant for me. It's like I've been trying to come here since Sunday and everyday I'll just meet challenges and will keep delay my days; today, I'm finally here but down with fever, cough and the feeling of vomiting. I don't really get why Segamat dislike me! I don't care, I'll fight for what I had promised! Help the cluster grow!!!!

As of Suraz, I have the confidence. Today, an aunty told me that boys get matured when they are 30 and when they are 16 or around this age, they are like chameleons, changing all the time. That's why, giving you the time is the best!!!! ^^

=?Enchanted?=

A Bad Day...

2008-02-19T09:18:00.000-08:00

Well, I wanted today to be a good day but I was left in wound, sick and feeling weak...

I just hope you'll understand that I really love you and would want you to be happy. I'll love you and only you, Ivan. Please trust me and have confidence in yourself.

=?Enchanted?=

Why are we granted love?

2008-02-17T19:01:00.000-08:00

2 months ago, I would answer that it's because God loves us. However, now I would say because we're blessed and took care of by God; He Loves us so he granted love because we attain another virtue thus be who we are meant to be.

I used to play with love for many times because I never knew the meaning of love until someone made me realize that love is something that is unpredictable and not hoping for anything in return.

I fell in love with someone, I think for the first time although I've been in relationships. I was really scared that he would leave me but after time past by and I ponder, I realized that I should let him be what he want to so that he would succeed in his life. I'll just be right here waiting.

I don't expect him to do anything to me as long as I can love him. ^^

Those who were hurt by love before, listen to me. Never ever try to break people's heart, relationships or tend to implant hatred in lovers' eyes to one another, I know who you are. Come'on! Just love a person truthfully and don't do anything.

2008-02-15T20:17:00.000-08:00

In the days of unhappy
Attempt to be happy
For there is nothing
To be faking

I'm not forsaking
Just wanna be making
Be happy
Just for me!

ANGRY!!!!!!

2008-02-14T09:06:00.000-08:00

Today, I've heard of something really ridiculous. I mean, I can't say it is but I feel that it is. Maybe I'm acting too over. You know, I've been really wanting people to grow old with me, in a sense that our mentality grow up together.

Few days ago, I've invited Ireetha for a youth gathering and asked so that the parents would send her and her brother. I've never thought of just to meet him or to affect him but I was just thinking of his psychological growth. The talk is regarding something all would go through and I hope that he would be able to listen to it at first hand. I hope that them can understand that we need to grow both materially and spiritually.

I know I'm angry for such a reason is kinda ridiculous but I just hope that they would not limit him in his learning. I read the book "Rich Kid Poor Kid" and it's stated there that parents are the one that'll cause their children to be limited because they don't improve themselves accordingly. If they really want their children to grow, they have to let them take the risk! Will you ever learn to get up when you've never learned to fall?

I love people for who they are and I will only tend to make them more happy not failure. If they really want the best for him, they would know when to let him go. I hope they let him go and love the children equally.

Love is the only thing on earth that is limitless and when we do something, we tend to limit it! Come on people, wake up! Just love truthfully because it's from the heart which is sincere...